Vatican Pushes The Envelope

In a ground breaking move, the The Catholic Church has selected not only the first Pope from South America but even more shocking is an elderly white man. The Conclave of Cardinals has flaunted tradition by elevating Jorge Bergogolio, the archbishop of Buenos Aires, to become Pope Francis I shocking many pilgrims waiting in St. Peter's Square. "We were expecting the Church to continue with it's history of picking young women of color to lead us," said Giuseppe Benevido between tears. "I'm all for bringing  us into the 21st Century but perhaps this is too much all at once!"


Not only does the newest Pope stray from the "pontiff ideal" in terms of his gender and place of origin, his advanced age of 76 puts him significantly over the average age of popes in the modern era. With a mean age of 27.5, Pope Francis exceeds the norm by more than 50 years.

While some are welcoming the breath of fresh air, American Catholics are dismayed. Most had been expecting the selection of Nicki Minaj to guide the church in Rome, but had been prepared for upset outsider such as Korea's Yuna Kim or even Raven Simone. For many, it ended weeks of religious expectation. "How does the Church expect to maintain time honored elements such as celibacy, poverty and religious intolerance with such an obvious radical in the Holy See?"