Lance Armstrong Admissions

This week Lance Armstrong sat down with Oprah Winfrey and admitted his seven Tour de France victories came as a result of performance enhancing drugs. Telling the truth seemed to have a cathartic effect on the notorious cyclist as this single admission opened the floodgates to a stream of confessions for transgressions and events no one knew Armstrong had any part in previously:

• He was the actual author of the Twilight books.

• Enron was his idea.

• He suggested that Russel l Crowe sing in the film adaptation of “Les Miserable”

• "Lance Armstrong" is Hawaiian for "Lennay Kekua".

• He invented the “friend-zone”

• Have you ever returned to your locked up bike and found somebody took the one unlocked wheel? Lance took it.
• He continues to put the milk carton back in the fridge with only a few drops left in it.

• Despite all previous denials, it was he who let the dogs out.