Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Lance Armstrong Admissions

lance armstrong tour de france drugs
This week Lance Armstrong sat down with Oprah Winfrey and admitted his seven Tour de France victories came as a result of performance enhancing drugs. Telling the truth seemed to have a cathartic effect on the notorious cyclist as this single admission opened the floodgates to a stream of confessions for transgressions and events no one knew Armstrong had any part in previously:

• He was the actual author of the Twilight books.

• Enron was his idea.

• He suggested that Russel l Crowe sing in the film adaptation of “Les Miserable”

• "Lance Armstrong" is Hawaiian for "Lennay Kekua".
  • He invented the “friend-zone”

• Have you ever returned to your locked up bike and found somebody took the one unlocked wheel? Lance took it.
• He continues to put the milk carton back in the fridge with only a few drops left in it.

• Despite all previous denials, it was he who let the dogs out.