Democrats' Convention Surprises

The Internet is abuzz with Clint Eastwood’s Empty Chair speech at the Republican National Convention last night’s. The Hollywood tough guy director and actor, who many predicted would be the Mystery Speaker, even upstaged GOP nominee Mitt Romney, which his satirical dialogue with an invisible Barack Obama.


Dogs & Jeans has learned that the Democrats are not going to be outdone and are planning to have a big name celebrity lampoon the Right Wing at their convention next month. Here are some of the rumored acts:

• Matt Damon will reprise his role as Jason Bourne and attempt to flee a platoon of Tea Party mercenaries wearing Richard Nixon masks.

• Gymnasts Aly Raisman, Gabby Douglas and McKayla Muroney will make a series of “Not Impressed” faces when shown pictures of Mitt Romney’s accomplishments.

• Jerry Sandusky will speak from his jail cell about how a Republican White House would set him free to prey on our nation’s youth.

• In a bizarre piece of “Installation Art”, everyone watches Venus, the Two-Faced Cat, sitting on a pillow until it is scared off stage by the Ghost of Sherman Helmsley

• Penny, Leonard, Sheldon and gang from "Big Bang Theory" will present Democrats with an America where science research has been banned and public school curricula are based on a literal translation of The Bible.

• Charlie Sheen will perform an unscripted rant where he blames Mitt Romney for everything from Global Warming and the outsourcing of American jobs to China, to the cancellation of ABC’s “Pan Am” and injecting Lance Armstrong with Human Growth Hormones.

• The gang of Jersey Shore will do some improv where they ask the audience for a setting, a movie style and an American wasteland once the GOP finish raping the country.