Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Who’s Suing Facebook?

After the topsy-turvy Facebook IPO and its subsequent price fluctuations, new allegations of financial fraud behind earnings statements are rocking Wall Street. Several investors are suing Facebook COE Mark Zuckerberg and the underwriters for “withholding negative information” which may have affected the actual stock value.

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As with most lawsuits, others are jumping on the bandwagon and adding their own claims. Some may be legitimate, others more frivolous. Dogs & Jeans Crack Financial Gurus have had their ears to the ground since Monday and have compiled a list of other damages being filed against Facebook:

  • Delays to the start of trading on Friday were not technical but a ruse by Facebook to drive up the demand.

  • Delays to the start of trading caused several missed hair appointments and resulted in at least one unplanned home-birth.

  • Failure to acknowledge the placement of orders caused investors to miss out on possible profit gains which could have been used to purchase more expansion packs of Angry Birds.

  • Heavy “Liking” for the IPO drained resources from Facebook to the point that up to 1/3 of all livestock on Farmville was wiped out.

  • Confusion over placing orders was created when Facebook HQ posted that every share purchased was also considered as one vote for American Idol contestant Jessica Sanchez.

  • Moms who keep clicking on ads to find out how another mom in their town can make $3755/week and also look 27 when she is 54, claim they now suffer from debilitating carpel tunnel syndrome.

  • Despite claims to the contrary, adding every girl from your high school grad class to your Friends List has not resulted in the fulfilment of one single unrequited love affair. Ever!


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