We all know the standard "Don'ts" for gifts:
- Don't give appliances or anything else with a plug
- Don't give exercise or diet related gifts
- Don't give her something clearly intended for you (like a six pack or ticekts to an MMA event)
That still leaves a fair amount of grey area for men most of who, let's face it, would rather attend a prostate exam than go shopping for presents. As part of our ongoing public service, it's time to list some Very Bad Gifts for Mom. Cacti: Unless Mom is an actual cactus collector, don't give arid, spiny desert plants. Even if she loves plants and spends her spare time watering the azaleas, a cactus is just wrong. It's like giving a book about cricket to a baseball player who can't read.
A subscription to The Watchtower: Even the most devout Jehovah's Witness Mom is looking for something a little more personal on Mother's Day.
Photographic evidence proving what a bad mom she was: You survived right? Just let it go Junior.
A bathroom scale: Seriously, I have heard of this. No matter how many digital bells and whistles this futuristic weighing device has, it's still a scale to remind her she's fat (even if she is rail thin).
Toiletries not in an expensive gift set: If she loves name brand, designer fragrance and bath sets, by all means give away. However, don't put a bunch of soaps and lotions from the dollar store in a bag and expect a reward. And for God's sake, don't give her the complimentary shampoo and soaps from your stays at the Howard Johnson's.
Her name tattooed any place on you: It's not really something she can use herself is it? Plus she doesn't want to see her beautiful baby boy scarred in any way. Refrain from drugging her and having your name tattooed on her.
Horemone replacement therapy: Unless you are a doctor. What a proud mother.