Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Bad Mother's Day Gifts

With only days until Mother's Day, the pressure is now fully on. However, even the most devoted son or daughter is apt to slip up and purchase a terrible gift in their haste. Actually sons are more likely that daughters to screw up, but we try not to exhibit a huge gender bias at Dogs & Jeans (despite the occasional picture of a scantily clad woman in the margins).

We all know the standard "Don'ts" for gifts:


  • Don't give appliances or anything else with a plug
  • Don't give exercise or diet related gifts
  • Don't give her something clearly intended for you (like a six pack or ticekts to an MMA event)


That still leaves a fair amount of grey area for men most of who, let's face it, would rather attend a prostate exam than go shopping for presents. As part of our ongoing public service, it's time to list some Very Bad Gifts for Mom. Cacti: Unless Mom is an actual cactus collector, don't give arid, spiny desert plants. Even if she loves plants and spends her spare time watering the azaleas, a cactus is just wrong. It's like giving a book about cricket to a baseball player who can't read.





A subscription to The Watchtower: Even the most devout Jehovah's Witness Mom is looking for something a little more personal on Mother's Day.
bad mom drinking


Photographic evidence proving what a bad mom she was: You survived right? Just let it go Junior.

A bathroom scale: Seriously, I have heard of this. No matter how many digital bells and whistles this futuristic weighing device has, it's still a scale to remind her she's fat (even if she is rail thin).


Toiletries not in an expensive gift set: If she loves name brand, designer fragrance and bath sets, by all means give away. However, don't put a bunch of soaps and lotions from the dollar store in a bag and expect a reward. And for God's sake, don't give her the complimentary shampoo and soaps from your stays at the Howard Johnson's.


Her name tattooed any place on you: It's not really something she can use herself is it? Plus she doesn't want to see her beautiful baby boy scarred in any way. Refrain from drugging her and having your name tattooed on her.



Horemone replacement therapy: Unless you are a doctor. What a proud mother.

9 comments:

Hunter said...

Thanks for the great list of things to avoid. Thankfully we haven’t gotten Mom anything as bad as a bathroom scale or new vacuum but there have been some underwhelming Mothers Days in the past. This year we decided to add to something we know she already loves instead of risking something inappropriate. We got her an iPad for Christmas and she carries that thing around all the time. A coworker at Dish showed me how he could get live TV on his iPad anywhere he goes with the DISH Remote Access app. I think Mom will really love that because she will be able to take her gardening shows with her outside. The app is free but she will require a Sling Adapter for her DVR. We are going to surprise her with a gift basket and breakfast and then show her how the app works.

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