Monday, April 2, 2012

Goodbye Penny

The Canadian government has decided to abandon the penny. Citing the need to reduce spending and the fact that it now costs more to produce the 1 cent coin (1.6 cents worth of minerals), the recent federal budget included an end to penny production in 2012. In an effort to stem protest from the loss of the little copper piece, the Conservative government is also eliminating any reference to the tiny currency in popular culture, idioms or any other daily life. Some examples of rigid social engineering include:

  • Edits to common sayings such as “See a nickel; pick it up and all the day you’ll have good luck!”

  • Removal of the opening line “Pennies in a stream,” from the song “Moonlight in Vermont” on “Oldies” radio playlists. The Oscar winning song “Three Coins in the Fountain” will remain unchanged.

  • The expression of a sudden comprehension “The penny drops” will be replaced exclusively with the phrases: “The other shoe drops,” or “Oh, I get it!”

  • The character of Penny from the children’s cartoon “Inspector Gadget” will be superimposed with images of intrepid girl reporter April O’Neil from “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.”

  • Engaging someone in conversation with the saying, “Penny for your thoughts” will be responded to by a $500 fine and a terse “Mind your own damn business!”

  • Penny candy (which has not cost a penny since the days when ladies carried parasols) will only be sold by bulk retailers like Costco in units of one dollar. It will be renamed ‘Loonie Candy’ after the iconic Canadian $1 coin.

    big bang penny
  • “Pinching pennies” will go the way of “sound as a pound” but experts predict that “dusting dimes” will become the catchphrase for saving money.

  • The Big Bang Theory’s Penny will have all references to her name deleted for Canadian broadcast and will simply be referred to as Hot Girl, which is actually more in keeping with the main characters’ personalities.


Shana said...

I loved Inspector Gadget. And pennies too.

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