Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Final Four Breakup


A Michigan couple is breaking up after The Final Four. Laura Gains and Steve Brundell have been dating for just over nine months but have decided to call it quits after Laura won the NCAA Basketball Tournament pool at the Applebee’s restaurant where they both work. Laura, who has never watched a single college game before correctly selected over 60% of teams in the first round, three of four of the Final Four teams as well as the eventual winner Kentucky. Her ex-boyfriend on the other hand finished a distant 11th in the pool and was out of the running before the Sweet Sixteen.”


“I can’t believe how lucky she is,” said a devastated Brundell. “I spent weeks studying scoring trends, rebound match-ups and conference dominance ratios to identify the upsets. I even built this Monte Carlo simulation model to compare teams by an experience/height algorithm. Then she just swoops in on the last day and picks her whole bracket in five minutes.”


“I don’t understand what he’s so upset about,” responded Gains. “I told him we could share my winnings. Once there were only eight teams left and I had five of them, he wouldn’t stay over anymore. He stopped talking to me on Saturday when his last team Ohio State lost.”


When asked what her secret for picking teams was, the young waitress laughs, “It’s all so silly. I just looked at the teams and picked Blue teams to beat Reds, unless the mascot was a devil, and cats to beat birds, bears to beat sheep and so on.”


“I kept telling her the mascots don’t actually fight,” responded Brundell choking back tears. “But she just kept on telling me an alligator should beat a golden eagle and a bull could beat an owl. But the she said a cardinal could beat a Spartan because it could fly; it doesn’t make sense!”


The couple plans to keep working together but Brundell has not ruled out the possibility of applying at the TDGFriday’s down the street.

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