The most anticipated movie of the summer The Avengers opens this weekend. The film brings together some of the most popular super heroes from the Marvel Comics. However, there were several lesser known costumed crime fighters from that franchise that did not make it into the film:
The Kitty: Unlike Spiderman’s paramour The Black Cat, The Kitty exhibits feline qualities which are more applicable to a lazy Sunday afternoon than fighting crime. She is aloof, difficult to train and spends hours on personal grooming. Her enemies can easily exploit her one weakness by focusing sunlight into a patch on a sofa or armchair and The Kitty immediately falls asleep.
InsideOut Man: As his name suggests InsideOut Man can reverse himself so all his insides are on the outside. Sadly, returning to normal is a more difficult process and requires a team of paramedics and a the use of a bathysphere.
Perspire: No matter the temperature or how low stress the situation, you can count on Perspire to shvitz like a motherf*%#er all over the bad guys. Sadly, Perspire has the highest laundry bill of all the superheroes.
The Nag: Her superpowers are plentiful but limited only to domestic activities. She can whine, berate, agitate, wheedle, threaten, criticize, harangue, complain, gripe, trouble and badger with an unrelenting ferocity that leaves the victim feeling like it was all his fault.
Encyclopedia Jones: perhaps the brainiest of the superheroes, Encyclopedia Jones’ eidetic memory allows him to recall details flawlessly with a precision that rivals NASA’s most advanced computers. However, his ability to remember is restricted only to 1970’s and 80’s television trivia.
Butterfingers: The comedic relief of the superhero world, Butterfingers was exposed to radioactive lubricant and now his skin has no coefficient of friction. It is only through wearing specially designed clothing can Butterfingers even navigate crossing a room. But if you need someone to drop something at just the right time when defeating evil forces from another dimension, he’s your guy!
Maybe if there is an Avengers sequel…