Pressure Pedophile Professor

A 41 year old California teacher has left his family and resigned his job to move in with his high school girlfriend. Just to be clear, she is a high school student, not his girlfriend from when they were both in school together in the 1980’s. Since the girl is 18 he is not currently breaking the law. However, police are investigating whether their relationship existed prior to her recent birthday. In response, the girl’s mother has started a Facebook page to expose James Hooker for the creep he is.



Other organizations have joined their voices to the growing chorus trying to flush this former teacher from his ‘love den’ before he does any further damage:

• All local Modesto grocery stores are maintaining a “Rotten Hooker” produce bin at shop entrances so customers can throw overripe tomatoes and slimy cabbages at the scumbag if he dares show his face on the streets.

• The once-popular School House Rock has been revived to produce a new educational short musical cartoon called “Teachers Pet But They Should Keep Their Hands To Themselves!”

• Google is introducing a new app called “Teacher Tracker” so his whereabouts can be messaged to anyone in the area. Flash ‘outrage’ mobs are expected to gather and terrorize Hooker like a group of superstitious 18th Century Romanian peasants.

• The US Postal Service has launched a new stamp series with Hooker’s face bearing the slogan “Would You Let This Man Lick Your Teenaged Daughter?”

Unfortunately, Penthouse magazine is rushing a “Barely Legal Girls of California” edition to the newsstands, an act that many see as counterproductive.