However, careful examination of the plan reveals several curious financial decisions which have baffled leading economists:
- A temporary suspension of sales tax for all teddies, night gowns, baby dolls and other styles of skimpy lingerie during the two weeks leading up to, and including, Valentine's Day.
- An additional $4 million to be used for NFL first round draft picks but only for the Chicago Bears. Preference will be given to players from the SEC (except Vanderbilt. Duh!)
- Millions of dollars towards the purchase of Powerball lottery tickets (void where prohibited). If all goes as planned, next year's budget will include a new car for everyone! Suck on that Oprah.
- The IRS will launch a targeted series of aggressive audits on all Americans named Mitt, Newt or any combination such as Nitt, Mewt, Mnetiwt etc.
- Fines of up to $1 million on any normally hot celebrity who appears at an awards show dressed like "Queen of the Smurfs". An additional $500K to be levied for "unnecessary cleavage coverage".
- Oil company funding credits for exploratory drilling for fuel resources in hot tubs, spas, grottoes or any other location where contestants of "The Bachelor " gather for cat fights.
- A 1/5th reduction for all federal departments' operating costs combined with promoting "Work Outside Day" one day per week.
- $5 million for research into time travel for anyone who can help him go back and "un-see" Two Girls, One Cup. Alternative research may include, but is not limited to: memory scrapes, selective amnesia induction or some type of probe that will make it all seem like 'just a bad dream'.