On that note, Dogs & Jeans suggests the rest of the campaign embrace the theatrical and really give the audience what it wants:
- Cheerleaders: Even the NHL has seen a bump in viewership in normally poor hockey markets in the South with the addition of Ice Girls cavorting on the rink during breaks in the play. Why not include scantily clad ladies like the Miami Heat Dancers, Laker Girls and “celebrity” NFL cheerleader Jaime Edmondson at the next event?
- Trap Door: Nothing keeps a candidate, or the audience on their toes like the possibility of a trap door opening up underneath them when they say the secret word.
- Costumes: Every hostess knows the way to turn a dull cocktail party into a memorable night is to make it a costume party. Upcoming events should require all candidates to dress up. Organizers could even experiment with themes: favorite president, movie heroes and heroines, 1980’s “hair” bands, Star Trek characters etc.
- Transportation: The candidate who spends the remainder of the campaign travelling by the most unusual (and inconvenient) method is the winner. Who wouldn’t want to see a presidential hopeful campaigning on a unicycle?
- Security: Events have remained relatively calm because the GOP has been employing bouncers tasked with keeping Sarah Palin from crashing them. Let’s lay these boys off and see what kind of damage the former Governor can really do when she is unrestrained. As they say, “Release The Kraken!!”
- The Olympics: Organizers could take a page from the Olympics and increase the difficulty, and therefore the viewership, of the campaign. Increase the opportunity to make events synchronized and/or equestrian. How about requiring candidates to perform in time to the music while twirling a ribbon. Or go really crazy and include X-Games events like downhill ski-cross and snowmobile backflips!
With ideas like this for the nomination, the actual election will seem like a let-down.