Thursday, January 5, 2012

Lean, Mean Fighting Machine?

hot girl military army body paintPresident Obama has announced plans to reduce spending on the military. Like all government departments in this tough economy, even the Armed Forces will be asked to cut corners. Unfortunately, since many of the troops have already been asked to "do more with less" for several years now, finding spare cash in the budget requires even greater creativity:
  • Body paint uniforms for the ladies!
  • Encourage only shooting at soft things like pillows and loaves of bread so bullets can be recycled.
  • Body armour to be split into "Fronts" and "Backs" so a single piece can now be worn by two soldiers. New training will focus on patrolling back-to-back in pairs.
  • Launch a "Bring Your Own Gun From Home" policy.
  • mash jeep Alan Alda Hot Lips Trapper John Henry Blake
  • Bring back Korean era jeeps and tanks to general usage as "Army Classic" versions.
  • Raise funds from the public through an "Adopt A Missile" program.
  • Celebrities who participate in overseas USO shows must also serve a 6 month combat role after their performance. (This is good if it's Toby Keith, not so good if it's Jewel.)
  • Fewer global deployments; more postings to Cincinnati, Minneapolis and Terre Haute.
  • Bows and arrows aren't just for Ted Nugent.
  • Save money by reducing food rations as part of "Biggest Loser: US Military Edition."
  • Marines to begin aggressive campaign against Girls Scouts selling "Semper Fi" cookies door-to-door.
  • macrame hatNew Lockheed-Martin fighter jets to be designed with a Prius Hybrid engine. They'll save money and it's better for the environment. Now that's a win-win!
  • Two words: Cloth Helmets
  • One day a month becomes "Protect Without Pay". Soldiers are encouraged to make money on the side by delivering flyers or the "Penny Saver" while on patrol.


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