Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Happy Birthday Gitmo!

Today marks the 10th Anniversary of the designation of Guantanamo Bay as the incarceration location of Illegal Combatants. This US military base has held as few 20 and as many as 680 detainees from Afghanistan (among other places). "Camp Delta" as was later known, came under fire for it's interrogation methods, treatment of prisoners and it's apparent 'liberty' from the US Constitution. In 2008, Barack Obama made the closing of Gitmo an election issue, but nearly four years later, that has yet to occur.


The public is aware of many of these facts about the infamous quasi-prison. However, there may be a number of other details about the place you may not know:
  • The "Miss Camp X-Ray" Beauty Pageant attracts over three contestants annually.
  • Positive (and possibly homophobic) pastor Joel Osteen visits every six months for ministry.
  • The popular fad of "planking" arose here but was not derived from 'waterboarding'. Instead, it was meant to lampoon Marine guard PFC Dwayne Chisholm who fell asleep on a cot while on duty and was duct taped in place as a prank by some sophomoric inmates from Kabul.
  • Should Lindsey Lohan fail to pay federal taxes, she may be sentenced to barracks latrine duty in Guantanamo.
  • Unit 8 been bed bug free since Tuesday.
  • Residents may claim any sales tax they paid on luxury items when return home.
  • The most popular film requested by inmates is "The Expendables" followed closely by "Waiting to Exhale."
  • One more year of operation and Gitmo can qualify as a Presidential Primary.
  • Even under torture, prisoners refuse to consider Chelsea Handler as being funny in any way.
  • Most popular resident dessert: Butterscotch pudding.

2 comments:

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