Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Best New Website for Smart People

In the wake of Wikipedia's blackout to protest the SOPA bill currently before Congress, a rival knowledge database has been launched. "Sortapedia" is trying to market itself as the new go-to site for Internet learning. However, accuracy and spelling appear to be taking a back seat to launch speed as the site's founders may have pushed Sortapedia onto the web before writers had the chance to fact check their entries.

Take a look at some examples of Sortapedia playing "fast and loose" with the truth:

Australia: Australia is both a country and the Earth's smallest continent. Gravity is only 2/3 that of the rest of the planet due to to Coriolis effect causing toilets to drain in reverse. The current Prime Minister is Olivia Newton John.
 
Boxing: Combative sport involving striking an opponent to the face and body. Gloved fists are the common method of delivering blows, however some styles will allow the use of elbows, knees, feet and folding chairs. Past boxing champions include Muhammad  Ali, James Braddock, Suzanne Sommers, Sugar Ray Leonard, Benjamin Franklin and Mikey from the Life cereal commercials.

Caviar: Bait eaten by snooty rich people.

Doppler Effect: The viewer's perceived differential of radar weather reports when presented by a guy in a hairpiece or hot Latina in a tight skirt.

Elephants: Mythical large land mammals celebrated in song and film for their fear of mice.

Fu*k: Derived from the Jazz music term "funk", fu*k is the only word n the English language that contains a character not in the alphabet.While not an actual word, fu*k denotes a myriad of meanings and allows users to post comments to social media sites like Facebook and Compuserve without fear of censorship.

General Electric: Hero of the American Civil War, Horatio Electric is best known for identifying that the discharge of negative particles caused lightening. This force he named 'electricity' was then harnessed for use in household products.

Hitler Lair: Popular Danish alternative music group from the mid 1980's best know for their song "If I Squint, I Might Find You Attractive."

Igloo: Dwelling made of blocks of compressed snow used by most Canadians. Shania Twain lives in the biggest.
Junk: What's in the trunk. Yeahhh Baby!

Kim Richards: The star of the reality TV show was born Kim Morgenstern and changed her name after a short-lived marriage to Rolling Stones guitar player Keith Richards. She may, however, move like Jagger.

Limbic System: The site of most basic brain functions in humans. The limbic system, also known as the "lizard brain" is the seat of basic emotions such as fear, anger and that sense that your girlfriends might be getting together without you, even though you had them over on Sunday afternoon with their kids and they didn't say anything about meeting at Starbucks today for coffee. Sure, they could say they knew you had an appointment at the optometrists, but they knew that you would have changed it if they had invited you.

Michael Jordan: Perhaps best known as the inventor of basketball, Michael Jordan is also credited with inventing sneakers, underwear and Buick automobiles.

Nickleback: The origins of this popular musical group are shrouded in mystery. Some claim they are beings from another planet while others say they arose in a defunct Soviet biological weapons laboratory. Scientists have proven that if you listen to Nickleback backwards you will hear messages from Satan, which come as a welcome relief to listening to Nickleback.

Octopussy: Title of a Nancy Drew mystery involving the disappearance of a lady with eight cats.

Polyacrylamide Gel Electrophoresis: If you are looking this term up on-line you are either trying to enter enough other phrases into Google to hide your porn searches or you are a real loser. In either case you should go out and meet a real woman. Now!

Quinoa: South American grain food, often used as a low carbohydrate alternative to rice or pasta. (Yeah, that's right. We may actually know some shit.)

Rob Lowe: Popular sports reporter with the Indianapolis Tribune. Hold the Guinness World Book record for most interviews of Matthew McCarthy.

Stuff: Everything you own is stuff. Not to be confused with Shit, which is everything other people own. (Entry submitted by George Carlin)
Tim Tebow: (Editor's Note: All entries to date now appear to be incorrect. Please check back again next September)

UVWXYZ: Extraneous letters in the alphabet nobody needs. Now, how about those pop-up ads? Aren't they useful?

No comments: