Tuesday, December 18, 2012
The tragedy in Aurora Colorado has predictably re-ignited the gun debate across the United States. Once again, supporters and opponents of gun regulation alike refer to their specific phrases of the Second Amendment to justify their positions. Whether the stated “infringements” to a Right to Bear Arms is intended for individuals or a collective state militia has long been at the crux of the debate, and without any direct evidence to the intent of the framers of the amendment itself is impossible to resolve.
The disagreement is a red herring in terms of personal safety, however. Much like the proverbial chicken-and-egg argument, neither side can be correct. Worse, discussing the application of gun rights to individual versus collective freedoms does little to prevent tragedies like the July 20th theatre massacre. No amount of regulation can prevent a person from committing atrocities when they have no concern for the consequences, or even their own safety. However, undertaking a more productive exercise to study the amendment from a historical perspective could reduce the death toll in such future events.
Consider what was the understanding the legislators had of arms and their purchase at the time when they drafted the amendment. In 1789 America, the most common types of guns were single-shot arms of a limited variety and effectiveness. Aside from a few breech loaders, most were muzzle loaded in a process which essentially eliminated any threat of mass murder. The most common and inexpensive were muskets which were extremely inaccurate and only effective in a group application (eg. shoulder- to-shoulder platoon attack) rather than an assault by an individual. Accurate rifled barrels were available, however, the length of the barrel made it almost impossible to conceal (and sneak into a public place) and their relative expense limited their possession to the more affluent.
Mass production of guns and ammunition was still in its infancy so the cost and time to obtain arms was often considerable. As such, the idea of a household having more than two rifles or pistols to use against fellow citizenry was ludicrous. Even if we credit the writers of the amendment with the foresight to imagine a world where expense and manufacturing of armaments was no longer an impediment to multiple gun ownership, they were still framing the amendment around a belief of limitations in the guns themselves.
In 1789, balancing the rights of the individual with the safety of the community was relatively simple if a gun could only be fired once, often with a low probability of doing significant damage, before the opportunity arose to disarm the shooter. In fact a good knife, axe or pointed farm implement was a more deadly weapon for inflicting serious repeated damage. In the big picture, what harm to society could there be for allowing the average person to own a gun when weighed against the necessary restrictions needed on oppressive future governments?
Had legislators been able to see 230 years into the future when automatic weapons can fire a dozen rounds a second (and accuracy then becomes irrelevant) and the tools for mass destruction can be purchased quickly, inexpensively and with near anonymity over the Internet, would they will have taken greater care to spell out the controls intended in the Second Amendment? I think so. It is one thing to be free from government interference in the ownership of a duck hunting rifle but quite another to arm yourself with an AK-47 and 2 semi-automatic pistols for an attack on a middle school lunchroom. Nobody should have the right to do that.
To repeat: I do not expect laws to protect me from the unexpected acts of the deranged mind. Nor am I interested in the polarizing dispute between the two extremes of the pro and anti-gun lobbies. However, in light of the Aurora theatre shooting, it is time to examine a re-definition of the Second Amendment based on an appreciation of the times in which it was written. In doing so, I would expect the suitable restrictions on the purchase and even manufacturing of weapons such as those used on July 20th to regulated groups like the military and police force would not constitute an infringement of anyone’s civil rights.
Sadly, politicians will likely lack the courage to address the issue again, becoming distracted by the fanatic dogma from both extremes. Rather than taking measures to increase public safety through legislation that will infringe on no one’s rights, bills will be drafted to further restrict personal freedoms in an attempt to defend us from the unexpected. Don’t be surprised when movie theatres require all patrons to pass through a metal detector when purchasing a ticket. Never mind that accused shooter James Holmes did not bring his weapons in the front door, we will be told the inconvenience (and it’s added cost to ticket prices) is the price we have to pay for safety.
There is something wrong in America when lawmakers see nothing amiss with requiring movie goers to undergo a full body scan to watch the next installment of “The Avengers” but instead refusing to update legislation to limit the killing power of crazy people. Sensibly eliminating the production and distribution of deadly weapons unimagined over 200 years ago will not be seen as unconstitutional when examined free from the rhetoric of special interest groups.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Skank Detector: Developed with help from the creators of The Bachelor and Bachelor Pad, the Skank Detector can be used to either avoid or seek out the sluttiest humans within a 2 mile radius. Using a sophisticated remote sensing feature that runs results through an algorithm based on attributes from Maxim magazine, TMZ and SpikeTV, the new iPhone will locate guys and girls with low inhibitions and surgical enhancements and show the results right on the screen!
Chirp: Twitter may be embedded in all the browsers now, but all that does is subject us to more inane updates. Launch Chirp and let the catalogue of criticisms such as "Who Cares?", "Get a Life!" and "Close the bathroom door Jerk!" train the Twits to tweet with something worth reading.
Get Happy!: Are you tired of the stream of depressing news stories that pop up on your current iPhone? While the new iPhone won’t block downer stories from CNN or FoxNews, but for every headline about a Wall Street meltdown, natural disaster or Middle East bombing, Get Happy! will send you a smiley icon, picture of a kitty or a reminder that Jesus loves you (depending on your “Faith” settings). Get Happy! can’t change the world but at least it can help you ignore it.
Voice Communication: With all the effort developers have put into making the iPhone be the best little mobile computer there is, they seem to have forgotten to also equip it with the ability to call someone and talk to them without a ton of static or dropping the call altogether. No more! The new iPhone will make Alexander Graham Bell proud by finally allowing you to reach your wife and find out what you need to pick up at eh grocery store.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Dogs & Jeans has learned that the Democrats are not going to be outdone and are planning to have a big name celebrity lampoon the Right Wing at their convention next month. Here are some of the rumored acts:
- Matt Damon will reprise his role as Jason Bourne and attempt to flee a platoon of Tea Party mercenaries wearing Richard Nixon masks.
- Gymnasts Aly Raisman, Gabby Douglas and McKayla Muroney will make a series of “Not Impressed” faces when shown pictures of Mitt Romney’s accomplishments.
- Jerry Sandusky will speak from his jail cell about how a Republican White House would set him free to prey on our nation’s youth.
- In a bizarre piece of “Installation Art”, everyone watches Venus, the Two-Faced Cat, sitting on a pillow until it is scared off stage by the Ghost of Sherman Helmsley
- Penny, Leonard, Sheldon and gang from "Big Bang Theory" will present Democrats with an America where science research has been banned and public school curricula are based on a literal translation of The Bible.
- Charlie Sheen will perform an unscripted rant where he blames Mitt Romney for everything from Global Warming and the outsourcing of American jobs to China, to the cancellation of ABC’s “Pan Am” and injecting Lance Armstrong with Human Growth Hormones.
- The gang of Jersey Shore will do some improv where they ask the audience for a setting, a movie style and an American wasteland once the GOP finish raping the country.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Because of this, Republicans are offering other entertainment during the convention in hopes of really sparking the imagination of American voters. Dogs & Jeans’ Crack Research Squad has gone behind the scenes to discover the entertainment being featured filled with Right-Wing goodness:
• Governor Chris Christie’s rousing opening night speech was followed up by his winning the Republican Hot Dog Eating Contest.
• Cirque de Soleil will be performing trapeze routines over the convention floor every 15 minutes (despite Paul Ryan’s mortal fear of acrobats).
• In the convention centre pool, Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte will be towing former President Bush on his water skis,
• Newly minted member Condoleezza Rice will be hosting a membership drive for the Augusta National Golf Club.
• Lock up your wives because Matthew McConaughey will be attending the convention shirtless!
• There has been a rumor circulating that Wolf Blizter is, in fact, a werewolf. Anyone who denies it is likely a werewolf themselves.
• Forget Hurricane Isaac. The Province of Saskatchewan had amassed its forces along the Montana border. 2500 pissed off farmers of Ukrainian descent are ready to invade!
• Former VP Dick Cheney has volunteered to be Tasered by members of the Florida National Guard to demonstrate the power of his new pacemaker.
• John McCain challenged Romney to a best-of-three arm wrestling match. Loser has to address the convention without pants. Everybody knows McCain's got some sneaky-ass Navy arm wrestling skills.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
She signs her emails with Anna, Olga and Karina claiming they are all the same in Russian.
You take her on a romantic getaway to Minsk, with an insurance guy from Cleveland named Lloyd.
Her answering machine plays her favorite romantic song Dan Hill's "Sometimes When We Touch," but has changed the next line to "the correct numeric sequence to your ATM card."
You have to wait in the hall while she takes a shower, with her 'Business Manager'.
The money you sent for her grandmother's emergency surgery turned out to be be for a new tattoo, for her boyfriend.
She drops her kids off at your hotel for you to watch while she goes to dinner with a CPA from Tampa.
Three months after accepting your marriage proposal, her website is still up claiming she is waiting to hear from a nice American man like you!
The provocative pictures she send of herself are addressed to Tony, Roy or Bill but your name is Peter.
She keeps avoiding consummating your relationship claiming her "penis hurts".
Monday, August 27, 2012
The complaints that American viewers had to wait for prime-time tape delayed coverage on NBC during the Olympics now seems petty when you consider there is virtually no coverage of the Paralympics. Most other nations will enjoy nearly as many hours of sports broadcast as the bale-bodied games but not in the US. The Opening Ceremony is one of the biggest draws of the able-bodied games, attracting sports fans and non-sports fans alike. However Friday's Paralympic Opening Ceremony (yes, the is a unique Paralympic opening ceremony) was not even broadcast live, but re-played at 2PM Saturday afternoon, when nobody is watching TV unless they are wearing a court ordered ankle bracelet.
Can you imagine if there was one Olympics for men and a second one two weeks later for women? What about one for white people and a second for everyone else? Imagine that the first games received all the sponsors and coverage? So why should handicapped people suffer the same ignominy? And to increase the sensitivity of this issue, the largest growing segment of disabled athletes competing are military veterans.
Now, I'm a big sports fan, but I find it hard to get enthusiastic about handicapped sports, and it has nothing to do with the nature of the competitors. For all but 2 weeks every four years, I don't care a thing about handball, judo or beach volleyball, but for those 2 weeks, I'm a freaking expert. I don't miss a single gymnastics event or triple jump.
If the Paralympic events were held during the "other" Olympics, I'd be yelling at the TV during Goalball or wheelchair basketball as loudly as I would during the "other" basketball. I know this because the Beijing Summer Games held some of the Paralympic track and field events at the same time. And they were AWESOME!
I suggest the IOC simply roll the Paralympic events into a single Olympic Games. Scheduling for venues might require the games extend to 3 weeks instead of 2, but so what? We get one more week of friendly competition and global cooperation. Plus there is only one set of Opening and Closing Ceremonies to coordinate (and I don't watch those anyway because nobody can win).
Friday, August 24, 2012
Wearing a blue and pick T-shirt and denim shorts, Miss Van der Veen held a press conference at a local park. Under the watchful gaze of her parents Karl and Marie, Tour officials bestowed the honor of Greatest Cyclist in History on the little blond girl. It was a decision intended to bring an end to years of controversy and chaos in professional bicycling.
“Once Armstrong decided to end his fight with the US Doping Commission, we had to look at who the runners-up were for each race,” said Tour spokesman Pierre Bourbonnais. “After years of flagrant use of performance enhancement drugs in pro cycling, we could not say anyone in Armstrong’s races was clean.”
Across the Netherlands, fans celebrated Holland's retunr to cycling prominance. Most were shocked at the decison to crown someone virtually unknown outside her neighbourhood, but were thrilled nonetheless.
After going through the list of all eligible cyclists, officials had no confidence that naming any of Armstrong’s competitors champion would end the controversy. “There were too many skeletons in all the racers’ closets,” lamented Bourbonnais. The committee made a decision to bestow the seven tour victories on someone who was free of the taint of scandal. “Miss Van der Veen was the only bicycle rider in Europe we could identify with 100% certainty as a clean cyclist.”
Despite his decision to no longer contest the allegations into his doping, Armstrong still maintains his innocence. He will now serve a lifetime ban from competitive cycling, and all accomplishments achieved will be removed from the record books.
For her part, little Annalise was pleased with the decision, but seemed somewhat confused by the whole process. After thanking reporters, she folded the seven Tour de France yellow jerseys into her backpack and rode home.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
No more strippers at GOP Conventions
The Federal Reserve will triple interest rates, with additional revenue being given directly to Cuba
Katie Holmes will be required to re-united with Tom Cruise, who will be required to re-unite with Nicole Kidman. Keith Urban will then be obligated to marry Mimi Rogers whose current husband will be forced to join the Pablo Cruise re-union tour
Defeat of the Superfriends by the Legion of Doom
Collapse of the Mayan Empire, again!
The state motto of Texas will be changed to “Come on over and mess with us!”
A ban on Spanx
Every second hospital will be closed and turned into a Soviet-Muslim education facility for our nation’s youth. Won’t someone think about the children?
If you though Perez Hilton was a pain in the ass now, just wait…
Registered Republicans will be automatic organ donors, and death may not be a requirement for harvesting
In an end to sexy, Sofia Vergara will be forced to dress as Lucille Ball in public
The CDC will be produce a new strain of viruses designed to keep Republicans weak while marauding bands of gypsies roam our nation
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
“I would recommend that parents encourage their children to watch ABC’s Bachelor Pad as the values of honesty and fidelity portrayed should for the cornerstone of the next generation’s way of life in America.”
“Disabled athletes should not be allowed to participate in their own ‘Paralympic’ games. They should be forced to compete with legitimate athletes in the same Olympic Games since God created them as inferior for a purpose.”
“Puerto Rico should be banned from potential statehood as their style of sinful dancing summons the Devil.”
“The proof that dinosaurs never existed can be found in their complete lack of reference in the Bible. This is also true of other figments of the Liberal agenda not mentioned in the Bible such as asparagus, social assistance and the alleged continent of Australia.”
“Because women from China are smaller and more delicate, they have an unfair advantage in the Miss Universe pageant.”
“Years of Democratic governments giving money to immigrants and welfare cheats have so weakened the Kansas City Royals, they should be able to start the season with a 10 game head start.”
“The liberal pork-barrel program known as NASA has never accomplished any of their extraordinary claims such as the moon landing, space shuttle missions or deep space exploration. These have all been manufactured by a left-wing Hollywood agenda. However, early Christians did establish a colony on Jupiter’s moon IO. It is from this base that presents are manufactured and distributed by angels on Christmas morning.”
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
- The good people from Advil left an additional flat of Extra Strength pain relievers at his Texas home.
- There are more flights arriving at Sugerland Texas this week than there are NHL teams filing for bankruptcy.
- Roger is using the push mower instead of the riding tractor to get back in playing condition.
- His neck has returned to it's normal size: Buffalo width
- Three more horses arrived to his Houston ranch. More horses = More horse urine = more steroids.
- Brett Favre's book "Your Guide To A Successful Comeback" is overdue at Clemens local library.
And here is Funny or Die's take on Roger Clemens' return: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6562/roger-clemens-2057-from-mikebarber88
Monday, August 20, 2012
- Sith Lords
- Members of Pussy Riot
- Clemson alumni
- Wisecracking robots
- Julian Assange
- Bankrupt Facebook investors
- McKayla Maroney
Friday, August 17, 2012
"The owners of Pussy Riot has spent much time and money creating a brand known throughout the South Florida region which is now being unfairly tarnished by the actions of this all-female Russian band," said Tom Denby, a lawyer for the night club. "Celebrities from film, television, music and especially professional sports teams all come to Pussy Riot knowing they can relax in a safe, fun environment. Being linked unfairly to this group who engage in 'hooliganism' and all manner of questionable tomfoolery or shenanigans is unfair and must be stopped."
The lawsuit is demanding the girl punk band to drop the name "Pussy Riot" immediately and pay $4.5 million in damages. "Alternately, the owners are willing to forgive any money in damages if the girls are willing to come to Miami and perform as Pussy Riot's house band upon their release from prison," added Denby.
A spokesman for popular Atlanta night club "Rioting Pussy" told Dogs & Jeans they are considering joing the lawsuit as a class action.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Two prison guards are fired for Facebooking a female inmate and Facebook stocks hit an all-time low of $19. Coincidence?
Wisconsin is a dead heat for the presidential race after Paul Ryan is named as Mitt Romney’s VP and McKayla Muroney is not impressed. Coincidence?
It’s still bikini season and I can try Sensa free? Coincidence?
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
- Polls show Kim Kardashian is voted your state's favorite "Painfully Underfed Skinny Celebrity"
- When you book a plane ticket on line, it defaults to “2 seats” when you enter your address.
- Your state’s Pan Handle is now referred to as a “Love Handle”
- The Miss America Contestant from your state is exempt from the swimsuit portion of the competition for reasons of “public decency”
- The state bird has been changed to “Roast Chicken”
- When recommending economic cut backs to address the poor economy, the Governor carefully refrains from mentioning “tightening our belts”.
- The State Motto is now “Do I Look Fat in This?”
- The cost of dinner at an All-You-Can-Eat buffet is equivalent to a semester of college.
Monday, August 13, 2012
- There is an epidemic of medal biting in ceremony photos. It is worse than all the Facebook duck lips pictures. The medals for Rio 2016 should be covered with arsenic to put a stop to it.
- The javelin events featured no athletes from African nations (South Africa doesn’t count because their throwers were all white). They have been throwing spears in Africa since the dawn of man for crying out loud. And for that matter, didn’t the bow and arrow originate in Africa? Why don’t the Kenyans dominate archery events like they do running?
- Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there are three Olympic officials for every actual athlete. Every event is swarming with stout little men and women in navy blazers with light blue piping.
- Describing a diver who competes in both 10m platform and 5m springboard as “versatile” is not accurate since they are both diving events. Versatile would be competing in diving and basketball, or diving and fencing etc. The heptathlon is versatile. Diving from different heights is not.
- The Spice Girls had a big summer in 1997, but so did Whitney Houston and Madonna. Judging by their appearance in the Olympic closing ceremonies, time has been kinder to Posh and the girls.
- When did BMX become an Olympic event?
- Thanks to its Worldwide Sponsorship deal with Proctor & Gamble, Pringles are the official reconstituted potato flavored snack of the 2012 Olympic Games. That must have been a blow to the other reconstituted potato flavored snacks like…
Friday, August 10, 2012
Tom Clancy on Women's Soccer
Christiana Pedersen closed the bathroom door confident no one had seen her enter. She counted to ten and listened for footsteps just in case. All was quiet. The Norwegian soccer referee was alone. The planning for today had been long, but now the time was short. The semifinal match was minutes away but neither Canada nor the US could know the real game was already afoot.
Christiana gripped the edge of the Kohler sink with both hands and exhaled deeply. There could be no stress allowed to show. To accomplish her goal of creating rematch of last year’s World Cup final between the USA and Japan, she needed to be flawless. Slowly she raised her head and stared into the vanity mirror, a British design now manufactured in large quantities in China. Her skin was flawless, her hair just so. She was attractive but not memorable. She could be part of the action, but if she player her role right, she would be forgotten at the end of the day.
She pulled her silver whistle, a pealess Fox Model X-2 from her shorts pocket and draped the lanyard over her head. Pedersen blew a whisper of a puff into the mouthpiece and heard the faint trill that in 90 minutes would screech out the end of one team’s gold medal hopes before its time. One last smile before she assumed the dead-eyed stare of what would soon make her the most dangerous woman in soccer.
Danielle Steele on US Women’s Gymnastics: Five Stars
These five girls on the verge of ripening to full womanhood have had success, but the price paid to get there may have been too high to repay without cost. The Fierce Five are as close as sisters, and like sisters, their relationships are complicated, perhaps each embrace hiding a desire for harm, behind each smile a secret that none can keep hidden for long. And each known best their first name only:
Jordyn: The former star of the program handles disappointment with grace but can she play the role of team helper while keeping her envy for the new stars in check?
Aly: The reliable leader who knows finds the allure of her new-found stardom too easy enticing and begins to resent the teammates who want to keep her back.
McKalya: The one with the greatest expectations who struggles with the only failure she has ever known.
Gabby: Everyone’s favorite who soars high but also crashes hard; and
Kyla: She does her job without ever drawing attention to herself, but still waters run deep, and sometimes hides dark secrets.
Can they compete together and against one another without pulling their lives apart forever?
John Grisham on High Jump
Ivan Ukhov toed his mark, raised his eyes to the bar and began his run up. Two loping strides and he turned an arc angling away from the pit to fight the increase in centrifugal force. He was running full now and, with one final step, dug his right foot into the track. The spikes held firm. Pulling his arms up in front of his body like climbing a rope, Ukhov exploded from the ground. All the forward momentum created during his angled sprint was now transferred upwards. As he rose, his body rolled to expose his chest to the sky. First his head, then shoulders, then lumbar vertebrae cleared the bar before gravity re-established order and drew him down. But not before his buttocks slid past the fibreglass bar. Descending into the foam pit, Ukhov pulled his feet towards his hips as he heels gently kissed the bar.
Sinking into the cushion, he closed his eyes for a moment, waiting for the telltale thump of the bar striking the pit, telling him the jump had been unsuccessful. Only the roar of the crowd filled his ears, and drowned out any thoughts of the moment of panic just before. He stood to acknowledge the applause, his loose fitting t-shirt reminding him of the crisis he was in. Someone had stolen his competition singlet. But why? Too distract him enough to fail or disqualify him from the competition? He couldn’t be sure. And who was he, a struggling your high jumper from a small rural town, a threat to? Surely not the Canadian or the Brit who were both fortunate enough to make the final round. The young Qatari was an obvious choice but was that just a remnant of Soviet prejudice coming through? No, it must have been the Ukrainian who had been so kind to him, so welcoming. Now it made sense: pull him in just to throw him out before he knew what was going on. Uhkov had to come up with a plan before the next round, but was it too late?
Post Script: If you are interested in some real commentary on the Olympic Games and the nature of competition, check out the blog "The Win is Within" by former Canadian Olympic national team rower Jason Dorland.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
This is easily remedied. For the next Olympic Games in Rio, let's leaving one lane, position or seed available in every event to be drawn at random for a participant from the audience. Having Joe and Jane Public line up alongside the likes of Ryan Lochte and Missy Franklin or floor exercise following Aly Raisman would bring into sharp focus how amazing these competitors are. No longer would we dismiss the last place 800m runner as a disappointment when the normal human being is still struggling down the back stretch.
Plus there would be a spin-off benefit by increasing the tension in the audience with everyone hoping they don’t get selected. People would pray to get picked for events like Archery and Table Tennis instead of, oh I don’t know, Heavyweight Boxing or the Marathon.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
- Michael Phelps final Olympics swims
- Oscar Pistorius’ historic able bodied 400m semi-final race
- Britain’s surge in the medals
- Canada USA soccer thriller
- Usain Bolt Repeating as 100m champ
- McKayla Maroney’s vault fault
- Andy Murray’s gold medal at Wimbledon
- US Basketball dominance
Sadly, for every person who applauds Missy Franklin and her teammates for their amazing performance in the pool, there are nine others interested only in how tight their swimsuits are. Ignore the longevity of Misty May-Treanor and Kerrie Walsh Jennings as they go for their thirds gold medal, but instead loop video of beach volleyball players riding their bikini bottoms.
Sadder still is the trending topic of Gabby Douglas’ hair style. But don’t expect an blog posting on that any time soon.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
But how are all the swimmers, cyclists and track athlete’s avoiding detection this year? Dogs & Jeans has some ideas:
- Thinking positive thoughts can have a clean mind cover up for a dirty body.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
August 1, 2021 – Former Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps has just shattered the Maryland Insurance Association’s sales record for most policies by a single advisor. The previous mark, set by Marty Henderson of Bethesda in 1974, was thought to be unbreakable. Phelps, who began selling insurance one year after his retirement from competitive swimming in 2012, has put the same dedication into providing financial plans to customers that he did into long training sessions in the pool.
“The guy’s a machine,” said Tony Monroe, Phelps’ district manager. “He sells policies like he’s doing laps. No matter what sales targets I set, Michael smashes it. Whole life, term, business, comprehensive… you name it, Phelps can sell it all.”
The Post-London 2012 period had been unsettling for Phelps who found the transition from World Famous Swimmer to Regular Guy difficult. Advertising endorsements did not last as long as hoped. The public’s memory for wet athletes is short and quickly replaced by NFL stars and the latest NBA high school phenom.
“He seems to have found his calling the in insurance game,” continued Monroe. “And now that he is turning his attention to mutual funds, watch out.” Expect more records to fall from Michael Phelps before he is done.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
- The commentator tells us how much something cost
- A weightlifter from a former Soviet Republic is disqualified for doping
- Anything is compared to the Beijing ceremonies
- You hear the phrase “this is what the Olympics is all about”
- Usain Bolt is hyped up
- A country whose name ends in ‘istan’ appears
- The word “spectacular” or “moment” is mentioned.
- There is a reference to the 1948 London Olympics
- There is an aerial shot of the stadium
- There is a close-up of a female beach volleyball player’s bum
- A spectator or athlete is shown crying
- A “Dream Team” reference is made
- Michael Phelps appears wearing his headphones
- Some athlete has “overcome great odds” and is just “happy to be here”
- A royal family member is shown
- The camera pans the stands to show empty seats at a venue
- Each time an athlete from a land-locked or desert country competes in a boating event
- A gymnast has to pull her leotard out of her ass crack.
- An interview is carried out on a spectator who is evidently drunk
- A protocol mistake is made on an a competitor’s flag
- Female athletes congratulate each other by kissing on the mouth
- An equestrian athlete forgets to thank his/her horse who really does all the work
- Queen Elizabeth II is shown not waving or smiling
- The camera pans the stands to show formerly empty seats filled with the military at a venue