Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A Tim Tebow Christmas

Denver Bronco’s quarterback Tim Tebow is the talk of the NFL. The 2007 Heisman Trophy winner was widely criticized for his throwing style, play calling, evangelical Christianity and nearly every other physical and personal characteristic prior to entering the pro draft. Not expected to have any type of NFL career, the Broncos were ridiculed for picking the former Florida Gator in the first round. However, since becoming the starting QB after Game 6, Tebow has lead the team to six wins in a row, all last minute victories as a result of Tim’s heroics.
With all the buzz around Tebow this year, including a possible MVP award, it would be no surprise if his fame and popularity grew to the point that many of our beloved Christmas classics will be remade with Tim Tebow as the central character. Here’s what they might look like:

It’s A Wonderful Life
Clarence the angel shows George Bailey what life would be like if he was Tim Tebow. Bedford Falls High would have won the state championships during which Mr. Potter loses his business when he bet against the team. A successful pro football career followed and he retied to Bedford Falls with the swimsuit model wife to run a successful Christian charity. George decides not to resume his old life.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas
During the Christmas Eve string of break and enters, Cindy Lou Who spies the Grinch and wakes up big brother Tim. Tim stops the Grinch, makes him donate all the stolen items to an overseas relief agency and takes him to a Whoville prayer meeting round the Christmas tree.

Charlie Brown
Tim plays the role of Linus. There is no difference.

A Christmas Carol
When the clock strikes "One", Tim Tebow shows Ebeneezer Scrooge events from his past, present and future. Scrooge remains unmoved and all hope of his salvation appears lost until the last few seconds when Tebow scrambles desperately to Scrooge's abandoned grave. Scrooge understands the errors of his ways and reforms.

White Christmas
Tim Tebow and rival former Florida QB Chris Leak put on a musical show in Gainsville with other past Gator football players in hopes of persuading their former coach Urban Meyer not to take the job at Ohio State. The title song is re-written as “Green Christmas” and Meyer in convinced that the holidays are better in Gainseville than Columbus.

Tim Tebow is raised at the North Pole to believe he is a pro quarterback and leaves to seek his destiny. Tim doesn’t fit in anywhere; he’s the wrong size, throws the wrong way, his religious views are too prominent or his teeth are too big. When every quarterback in the State of Denver comes down with a mysterious injury, Tim gets his big chance to play and leads the Broncos to a Superbowl.

A Christmas Story
All Tim Tebow wants for Christmas is a genuine Wilson "Duke" hand-stitched football with the Commissioner's stamp approval on the side. The adults around him are convinced he'll "throw his arm out". Can a last minute appeal to Santa can save Tim's  Christmas wish?


LOLA said...

I would like to relieve Tim of his virginity. It's my Christmas gift to me.


Trooper Thorn said...

LOLA: Would that be your "stocking stuffer"?

LOLA said...

Oh yeah, baby.

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