Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Who Will Protect America?

The most controversial exchange during last night's GOP debate arose over illegal immigration. Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich's proposal of a more humane approach to long-term illegals with US born offspring brought on attacks from the other candidates. Criticisms of Gingrich's position ranged from "dangerous naiveté" to "encouraging terrorism". However, the other candidates did not present concrete alternatives to support their opposition.

Until today.

Hoping to take advantage of a potential anti-Gingrich backlash, several Republican candidates have now released Illegal Immigrant Positions. Dogs & Jeans has summarized them for you here:

Bugs Bunny cuts off Florida
Rick Perry:
Fences and the Rio Grande do not provide enough of a barrier for our security. Just as Bugs Bunny once sawed off Florida in a tragic miscalculation that cost the tax payers billions to restore, the US must physically cut off Mexico from North America.


Herman Cain:
Two words: Electrified Fences. And missiles. Three words: Electrified Fences and Missiles. And rabid wolves. Five Words: Electrified Fences, Missiles and Rabid Wolves. And groping. Six words: Electrified Fences, Missiles, Rabid Wolves and Groping.

cool jesus buudy
Michele Bachmann:
If America would simply return to church, then Jesus will help protect us. But not just any church, only the Lutheran church. All other forms of worship only invite illegal immigrants. Dancing is bad too.

John Huntsman:
Acting on a tip from neighbors, door-to-door searches of suspected illegals, or people harboring illegals, will be conducted by government officials. People unable to produce proof of citizenship will be concentrated in a type of camp for further processing. No, wait... that sounds bad. Forget I said anything. Yeah immigrants! You Rock!

mousetrap game
Ron Paul:
With the end of the Space Shuttle Program, the efforts of NASA engineers will be re-directed to build machines that block entry to the United States. We envision a series of catapults, conveyor belts, springboards, bowling balls rolling down ramps etc. Eventually the US/Mexico border will look like a gigantic game of Mousetrap.

6 comments:

Scutterman said...

Is that the Jesus Buddy from the film Dogma?

Trooper Thorn said...

It's actually an image of Mohammed. Please don't tell my imam.

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