Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Superheroes Reject Super Committee

A congressional super committee is struggling not only to deal with the national debt, but also to gain credibility with Americans. The bipartisan group made up of six Republicans and six Democrats must find over $1.4 trillion to trim from the federal budget without negatively affecting important government services. A recent poll shows a majority of Americans don't believe the effort will be successful and the super committee's failure may be an issue in polling booths in 2012.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice, the nation's leading superheroes are voicing their own disappointment with Congress. "We were asked to participate, but the terms of engagement were unacceptable," said Superman. "There were too many restrictions on our individual rights for any of the Justice League to participate."

Citing issues such as a limitation on the use of non-powered flight and a complete ban on wearing capes in Washington, members of the Justice League of America declined taking part in the budget slashing exercise. "Wonder Woman was particularly offended by an atmosphere she described as 'toxicly anti-feminist' toward her bare legs and corset," said Superman. "To his credit, Aquaman was willing to set aside differences but was told there was no budgetary value in being able to communicate with sea creatures."

Rival superhero groups X-Men and the Avengers also snubbed the super committee on similar grounds. "We found the dress code issue particularly offensive," said Bruce Banner/Hulk. "I mean, it's not like I choose to run around with no shirt on and torn up pants. UnderArmor has been working on a state-of-the-art stretchable fabric for me, but so far the prototypes have been too unstable under stress, resulting in dangerous flying shards of fabric and one very painful hernia."

Alan Quartermain, head of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, has reported that so far nobody has approached his group of marginal superheroes to participate. As of press time, The Power Rangers had not replied to Dogs & Jeans' offer to comment.

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