The happy news that the Duchess of Cambridge (the former Kate Middleton) is expecting was doused today when Mariah Yeater announced that Prince William is the father of her baby. Fresh of the retraction of a paternity claim against Justin Bieber, the 20 year old San Diego resident now says the heir to the British throne impregnated her during his North American visit last year.
While she could not say exactly how such a union was possible as the royal couple only toured Canada and Ms. Yeater has not left the United States for more than three years, she is convinced that it was the prince who fathered her child. There has been no response from Buckingham Palace as yet.
Attorneys for Ms. Yeater commented she is seeking full financial support as would be expected of the monarchy in exchange for limited visitation. In addition she would like a gold carriage and the power to behead her 11th grade Spanish teacher Mr. Lopez.
If Yeater is unsuccessful in this case, she is prepared to launch a paternity claim against Edward from Twilight who she says visited her in a dream.