Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Can Cain Save Campaign?

Amid more announcements of inappropriate behaviour with more women, Herman Cain and his staff are desperately trying to identify if he can stay in the Republican Nomination Race. Senior aides to the former head of Godfather's Pizza are holding a brainstorming session to come up with ideas to restore public support to the one-time front runner. Dogs & Jeans was invited to attend and share some of the ideas thrown out from the group.
  • "Say that we're the campaign that is 'Anti-Nazi'!"
  • "Sorority car wash."
  • "Take over the British Embassy in Tehran."
  • "Nothing says "presidential" like giving back rubs. Lots and lots of back rubs."
  • "Bake sale!"
  • "An Internet campaign featuring some older dude smoking."
  • "Everybody chillax and have a Jeffrey."
  • "Cure cancer"
  • "Host free pizza parties throughout the primary states but no anchovies. We all remember what happened to Michael Dukakus' campaign when he used anchovies."
  • "How about a cruise to Bimini?"
  • "I can't remember if that foundation for at-risk boys ate Penn State turned out well or not. Can "somebody look that up?"
  • "Collaborate with Jay-Z on a rap CD."
  • "Make ice cream tax free"
  • "Film a guest spot on Desperate Housewives."
  • "Could we get an endorsement from Justin Bieber?"
  • "Rescue somebody trapped in a burning building."
  • "Move like Jagger!"
Cain has yet to decide but seems to be leaning toward the cruise. You know, to take his mind off the stress.

Dec 3: Breaking News! Herman Cain has "suspended" his nomination campaign but not officially withdrawn from the race. In a related story, Steve Jobs has "suspended" his role with Apple.

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