Thursday, October 6, 2011

Why Palin Won't Run

After months of public appearances, election interfering, reality TV show episodes and general manipulation of public opinion, Sarah Palin has finally announced she will not seek the Presidency in 2012. Citing her commitment to her family as her top priority, the former Alaskan governor maintained her desire to change America and did not rule out a bid in the future.

Dogs & Jeans, being the suspicious SOB's we are, did not buy her explanation. Through some top-notch investigative journalism, we have uncovered the real reasons behind Ms. Palin's decision to stay on the side lines, at least for now:
  • sarah palin wicked queenShe believes President Obama will appoint her to an advisory committee like the other hotties like Shakira and Eva Longoria.
  • In a dream, Jesus told her she will remove a magical sword from a stone and become Queen.
  • She lost her entire campaign fund in the stock market.
  • She is holding out for a really good position from Obama's job bill, something like Wal-Mart greeter, stadium maintenance worker or shepherd.
  • She confused herself with Michele Bachmann and already thought she was in the race.
  • sarah palin sexy playboy playmate stripper
  • Her fantasy football league takes up all her spare time.
  • She is already committed to training Bristol for a second round of Dancing With The Stars.
  • She is still devastated that NBC cancelled "The Playboy Club" right before her special guest appearance as Miss February 1965, Jessica Saint George.
  • She is preparing for the next election in 2013.


Ed said...

She's crazy, but I'd still do her.

Trooper Thorn said...

Ed: Seriously? You would?

Anonymous said...

Thanks again, KW. A comic strip sounds very appealing...too bad that newspapers are disappearing
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