Wednesday, October 19, 2011

GOP Debate or Springer Episode?

Many people who watched last night's Republican Debate on CNN must have believed their remote controls were on the fritz since the TV kept flipping over to a re-run of The Jerry Springer Show. There was so much conflict, so many nasty epithets hurled and threats of violence, the normally staid politicians bore an uncanny resemblance to the trailer park denizens that often pass for Mr. Springer's guests.


So shocking were the similarities, Dogs & Jeans decided to test whether readers could tell if the following discussion points were Springer Show topics or GOP arguments:


I'm Sick And No One Cares
Guests fight about which one of them can provide improved health care while ensuring the freedom of Americans for choice. Meanwhile, they accuse the other guests of either being in bed with Big Pharma or ignoring the Constitution to restrict profits for medical research.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode?


The Fiesta's Over
Guests, who thought that their wild lifestyles would never catch up to them, pay for the emotional crimes they have committed.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode?


You Never Shut Up!
Guests who are tired of never getting one word in edgewise confront the people who blame them incessantly for everything they did wrong.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode?


I Had a Threesome With Your Stripper Sisters
A guest says that his baby's mother is pressuring him to settle down, which made him cheat with her two sisters, who are strippers.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode?


You Exploit Illegal Immigrant Laborers!
A guest is accused of being a hypocrite for urging tougher immigration laws while knowingly employing scores of Latin American gardeners at low wages and hurting the local economy.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode?


It's Not You ... It's Me
Guests reveal they have been using their partners for sex while secretly carrying on love affairs and ordering pizza with other people.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode?


Who's To Blame?
Guests argue about the sources of national discontent and focus on the President, special interest groups, the American people themselves and the Governor of Massachusetts.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode?



If I Can't Have You, No One Will
Secret admirers confess their love for unsuspecting guests and threaten violence when rejected.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode? 


You Hate Poor People!
Guests advocate for new tax policies only to be confronted by accusations those same policies will give more money to the wealthy and create homelessness.
GOP Debate or Springer Episode?

3 comments:

Julianna said...

T's not you, It's me... has to be Bachman.

Really. She looks like she's got some kinky-ness hidden amongst her skeletons.

Trooper Thorn said...

Julianna: Even her skeletons have skeletons, but they will be good Christian skeletons.

Julianna said...

Somehow I doubt it. :)