Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Stars Paid To Strip?

In an unprecedented move, fashion retailer Abercrombie & Fitch have reportedly offered reality TV actor Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino money to stop wearing its clothes in public. The other "Jersey Shore"  personalities have also been approached with cash to prevent a negative impact to the brand's image.

This decision has opened the floodgate for other companies to offer stars with "questionable" images funds to cease endorsing their goods and services:
  • Victoria's Secret is paying it's models to stop sleeping with Prince Harry because it makes them unmarketable to the legions of "Pippa" supporters.
  • Twitter will pay the women from The View to stop tweeting "every damn thing that pops into their empty heads every damn minute!"
  • Nike will pay Tiger Woods to stop using it's clubs or wearing it's clothes during tournaments unless he stars sleeping with waitresses and models again. (he might want to give Prince Harry's people a call).
  • HBO will pay Sarah Jessica Parker to stop talking about more Sex & The City projects in hopes that eventually her tired, brittle bones will just collapse and she will dry up an blow away.
  • The Vatican will pay the proponents of Ark Encounter to stop trying to prove that Noah's Ark and other stories from the Bible are true and to "embrace faith as the fundamental aspect of religious devotion."
  • The AMA will pay Dr. Phil to drop the title "Dr." and just adopt the moniker "Opinionated Phil".