- The remaining free space on Miley Cyrus' body will only be available for tattooing with a $1 million donation to the Federal Treasury.
- Expensive, high-royalty Mister Rogers re-runs
- New GOP presidential candidates must come with $100 million in backing from special interest groups like "Jobs for Iowa", and "Implants for Porn Stars".
- All available organs in Casey Anthony must be used for donations.
- The new big-budget action film "Battleship" will now just feature two 11 year-old boys playing the boardgame "Battleship".
- New York must now obtain their fresh water only from melting Newfoundland icebergs. must be replaced with a low quality animation featuring a tiger who wears a cardigan.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Congress is voting today on a budget deal designed to keep the U.S. from bankruptcy. The plan will reduce spending by over $2.5 trillion over the next ten years. Traditional areas such as defense and social programs will face cuts. However, to accomplish such a massive reduction, the government has had to become even more creative in looking at what needs to be slashed: