Monday, August 8, 2011

America to Abandon the Dollar?

After another day of free-falling stocks and financial downgrades, the US Treasury has announced plans to abandon the dollar and move to a more stable form of currency. An official statement is expected later today as to the form of this exchange tool, but experts predict a return to some type of barter and trade system.

"Paper currency is just too unstable now," said an unnamed source within the Treasury Department.  For the third day in a row, sell-off's by investors have caused large losses in in the US stock market forcing a review of the nation's monetary system. "No longer is money backed by a gold deposit, and printing more money will just lead to rampant inflation. Radical measures need to be taken."

For weeks, the White House has struggled to restore faith in the US economy by passing a new budget to address debt, but has had little success. Rumors have been swirling of secret meeting between leading economists and the government to hammer out a new method of trade. Dogs & Jeans has received a list of some of the proposals that have already been rejected:
  • Slavery or other forms of human trafficking
  • Singing when hungry until "it just goes away"
  • Using sex as a weapon
  • Drawings and paintings (excluding photography or any "collage" type art)
  • Smiles
The most likely decision will be a return to using livestock as a form of payment. It is expected that the chicken will form the basic unit of the new currency, with an increasing value paid on larger animals, such as 10 chickens to a goat, 100 chickens to pig and 1000 chickens to a milking cow. Conversely, one chicken will be worth 10 eggs or 10 mice or 100 bumblebees.

The nation's ATM manufactures are scrambling to adapt their machines to accept deposits in the new payment forms. 

17 comments:

Julianna said...

I still find it ironic that the government, due to over spending and borrowing too much money, is crumbling.

Yet their solution to fixing the economy is for the HARD WORKING TAXPAYER to go out and borrow money and over spend.

*sigh*

Trooper Thorn said...

Julianna: It is a new program called PPD - Patriotic Personal Debt.

Trooper Thorn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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