Thursday, July 14, 2011

Will Rudy Run?

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani has launched an exploratory tour to gauge his chances at winning the 2012 Presidential Election. Starting in New Hampshire, the Republican hopeful will spend the summer measuring the support he has compared to the declared candidates before deciding whether to run for a second time. Dogs and Jeans has learned that "popular support" is not the only criteria he will use.

After his failed bid in 2008, Giuliani has learned to expand his decision-making process to include the following requirements:
  • Casual Friday to be joined by Tube Top Tuesday.
  • Cindy Anthony must be sent to live with Somali pirates for lying to the jury.
  • Justin Timberlake must convince Mila Kunis to attend the New York Governor's Ball with him.
  • HBO must offer him a guest spot on Mad Men as Don Draper's horny father Dirk Draper.
  • Any money for federal debt relief must include a few bucks for his campaign.
  • Columbia TriStar must make a sequel to the popular football film 'Rudy' entitled 'Rudy 2: The Empire State Strikes Back'.
  • Abby Wambach of the US Women's soccer team must finally accept his Facebook friend request.
  • TSA must require agents to sing Broadway hits while groping you at security.
  • Megan Fox must resume Botox treatments, for all our sakes.
  • No new trial for Yankee pitching hero Roger Clemens.

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