Radical Islam Reverses Aging

Forget botox, skin peels and aggressive collagen treatments. Switching to radical Muslimism may be the best way to recapture your youth. According to Fox News, Abdel Basset al-Megrahi the man behind the 1988 Lockerbie bombing that killed 270 airline passengers, is alive and well and participating in the pro-Qaddafi movement in Libya. Why this is significant, you may wonder, is because when he was released from a British prison 2 years ago, the man was given only 3 months to live!

Instead of succumbing to his illness, Mr. al-Megrahi re-embraced his fervent pro-Islamic past and appears to be rejuvenated! Doctors are baffled at how chanting "Death to America" could act as a fountain of youth, but one expert thinks he may have the answer.

"It's all about denying the truth," claims Dr. Abdul Mohammed-Muhammad of the Institute for Islamic Studies in Qatar. "Moderate Islam is similar to most other religions: reverence for life, thankfulness to a higher power, obtaining an awareness or reality and so on. Radical Islam, however, is all about rejecting the evidence that people are responsible for their own behavior and life choices and blaming others for their lot in life. We train people to ignore all the proof that corrupt Arab governments cause poverty and political instability and instead teach that the West causes our joblessness, misery and unrest."

When asked how this results in an apparent reversing of aging, the professor smiles.

"That is just an extension of that same denial," Mohammed-Muhammad explains. "As the expression says, 'You are only as old as you feel.' If I have been trained to ignore what my eyes see and my heart feels, then when I look in the mirror, I see a young healthy man. If I'm told I will die of cancer in six months, my ears hear I am as healthy as a camel. The body just follows what the deluded brain tells it."

Dr. Mohammed-Muhammad asserts that the terrorist practice of suicide bombing arose as a method of population control. "Fanatics were living so long and growing so healthy, there was going to be no room for new generations. They just wouldn't die! An aggressive approach to killing off seemingly immortal terrorists was needed." But the mind-over-matter effect of some radicals carried on after death. "Even blown to pieces, we have found hands and feet that continue to move on their own as if nothing happened."

(Note: The suicide bomber pictured here is actually 61 years old!)

Currently the Institute is working on harnessing this mind-power into more positive areas such as turning base metals into gold through thought and non-powered human flight.