Monday, June 20, 2011

Tough Times Ahead at Wal-Mart?

The US Supreme Court has ruled that there is not enough evidence of a nationwide policy of discrimination to conitnue a class action suit of all female employees against Wal-Mart, despite evidence to the contrary uncovered by Dogs and Jeans. Individuals or small groups are still able to bring a case against the retailer's local stores, however, the company has been spared the potential punitive result that often comes from a class action.

Sadly, the world's largest chain will be in a position to implement these even more draconian female staff policies at a Wal-Mart near you:
  • While male employees may participate in Movember, female employees are strictly forbidden from taking part in Julyna. There will be spot-checks "down there" just to make sure.
  • To reduce absenteeism, "one child per family" policy now in place. All hail the glorious People's Store!
  • Automotive, hardware and sporting goods now "Male Employee Only" departments.
  • New uniform for attractive employees - Slave Girl Princess Leia
  • New uniform for unattractive employees - Wookie
  • Wal-Mart to hire only from the Beautiful People dating website
  • New home-care line launched called "Get Back In The Kitchen!"
  • Overweight employees forced to adopt the Heidi Montag Exercise Plan.
  • Store-supplied BlackBerries fitted with GPS device to prevent roaming from assigned department.
  • Wal-Mart slogan "Save Money. Live Better" to be replaced by "Women Should Provide Heat in the Winter and Shade in the Summer." 


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