Wednesday, June 29, 2011

How About Some New Taxes?

As expected, President Obama has announced the only way to get to a budget deal that addresses the current debt levels is through raising taxes. While Obama is facing criticism from both parties for the decision, he should be credited with great creativity he has shown in the taxes proposed. If you thought everything that could be taxed had already been, think again!
  • A $1000 surcharge for anyone who calls of an engagement from The Bachelor or Bachelorette.
  • A 15% tax on any Disney child stars who try to make a comeback over the age of 21.
  • A $400 user fee for bringing a baby on an airplane. A further $25 will be charged for every sound or smell they make during the flight.
  • A million dollar fine on every NFL team owner if they can't settle a new contract before the end of the summer. C'mon already!
  • Country music albums determined to be overly patriotic for the purposes of "marketing purposes only" will be subject to a %12 "jingoism" tax.
  • 6% will be added to your monthly Internet bill for each Google search for Megan Fox.
  • A penalty of 20% of all campaign fundraising will be levied against any presidential hopeful who demonstrates even less knowledge of American history that Sarah Palin.
  • All tennis players from the former Soviet Union (eg. Maria Sharapova) will face a 50% tax on their entries to the US Open in September. If Lindsey Davenport considers coming out of retirement and playing, however, her prize money will be considered "tax free".
  • It's not actually a tax, but any person found to have less than 5% of their retirement fund invested in gold bullion will be punched in the face by G. Gordon Liddy.


The Vegetable Assassin said...

I love you, Trooper Thom! For the baby one alone. Having flown a lot lately I can heartily get behind this rule. I will even help enforce it. With my BOOT. :)

Trooper Thorn said...

VA: Unless they take your big sod kickers away at Security.

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