Thursday, June 16, 2011

Camping Advice

This morning I sent my daughter off to her first sleep-away camp. She did not appear to be nervous, but just in case, I gave her some of the following advice:

  • Sharing cookies with wolverines is a bad idea because they can pass on gingivitis.
  • It is always best to resign from office after an on-line sex scandal.
  • Mosquitoes are not pets.
  • Many people consider "Godfather II" the superior film, but I still prefer "Godfather I".
  • If you encounter a bear, avoid playing cards with it. Gambling tends to aggravate them.
  • The AMA does not recognize "Charlie Sheen" as a drug suitable for in-home treatments.
  • Rain water is a good skin moisturizer, so feel free to stay out in a storm without your coat.
  • "Just do it!" © Nike Corporation. All Rights Reserved.
  • The spiders that live in the outdoor toilets can jump the highest.
  • Ladies better hang on to your husbands. Elizabeth Hurley is single again!
  • Birds of prey are rarely religious.
  • Poison Ivy is not only itchy and contagious, but also Uma Thurman's worst on-screen performance.
  • If the camp counsellor wants to give you a back rub, he’s just trying to be friendly.
  • Don't take the bunk under the bed wetter. If you accidentally wet the bed, blame Basque Separatists.


Always Home and Uncool said...

If that's the advice she needs, then that is one heck of a summer camp. All I did at camp was fish and learn about knots.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Hmmm, no wonder I hate camping. It's traumatic!

Trooper Thorn said...

Home & Uncool: Things were simple in our day.

Aunt J: The degree of trauma depends on your amount of self-medication.