Thursday, June 16, 2011

Camping Advice

This morning I sent my daughter off to her first sleep-away camp. She did not appear to be nervous, but just in case, I gave her some of the following advice:



  • Sharing cookies with wolverines is a bad idea because they can pass on gingivitis.
  • It is always best to resign from office after an on-line sex scandal.
  • Mosquitoes are not pets.
  • Many people consider "Godfather II" the superior film, but I still prefer "Godfather I".
  • If you encounter a bear, avoid playing cards with it. Gambling tends to aggravate them.
  • The AMA does not recognize "Charlie Sheen" as a drug suitable for in-home treatments.
  • Rain water is a good skin moisturizer, so feel free to stay out in a storm without your coat.
  • "Just do it!" © Nike Corporation. All Rights Reserved.
  • The spiders that live in the outdoor toilets can jump the highest.
  • Ladies better hang on to your husbands. Elizabeth Hurley is single again!
  • Birds of prey are rarely religious.
  • Poison Ivy is not only itchy and contagious, but also Uma Thurman's worst on-screen performance.
  • If the camp counsellor wants to give you a back rub, he’s just trying to be friendly.
  • Don't take the bunk under the bed wetter. If you accidentally wet the bed, blame Basque Separatists.

3 comments:

Always Home and Uncool said...

If that's the advice she needs, then that is one heck of a summer camp. All I did at camp was fish and learn about knots.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Hmmm, no wonder I hate camping. It's traumatic!

Trooper Thorn said...

Home & Uncool: Things were simple in our day.

Aunt J: The degree of trauma depends on your amount of self-medication.