- The kids from Jersey Shore: The non-lethal brain infection prevents maturation of the host and re-enforces non-productive activities such as tanning and binge drinking for the purposes of passing on fungal spores through unprotected, meaningless sex behind a dumpster.
- Tea Party Members: A specific fungus, Republicanus illogica, is now recognized as a mutation of the more benign variety, Republicanus ignoramus, that often attacks viewers of FoxNews. This parasite causes extreme paranoia resulting in unprovoked confrontations at town hall meetings Democratic speeches.
- The LA Lakers: Swept by the Dallas Mavericks? Sometime between winning the NBA championships last year, and this year's playoffs, Kobe and the gang picked up a brain fungus that conditions the victim to "suck at basketball, especially defense". Scientists are now studying the players to determine if it is a lethal infection or will merely turn the team into another Clippers franchise.
- Ivanka Trump: The empty eyes, the stilted mannerisms, the Stepfordian behaviour. She's either a robot, or her brain is filled with fungus!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The Zombie Ants are back in the news. Further studies released today show that the fungus infecting the brain of the ant species Camponotus leonardi coordinates the dying activities of large numbers of the ants to collectively harvest specific leaves at noon allowing for the optimal reproductive environment for the fungus when the ant dies six hours later. This synchronized mindless "death-throw" has shed illumination on the bizarre group-behaviour of other unexplained populations:
Posted by Trooper Thorn at 4:55 PM