Thursday, May 5, 2011

Canadian Election Wrap Up

The Federal Election was held on Monday and Canada has a new government. In addition to The Conservatives forming a majority government, Canada's first since the days of Jean Chretien, there were a number of other surprising results in local races and referendums (not to mention some of Dogs and Jeans' uncanny preditions coming true):
  • Jack Layton became the Leader of the Opposition, the first for the NDP. In an example of "Be Careful What You Wish For", Layton must now revise the party's entire platform and remove all the unrealistic promises that give the public everything for free without any increased taxes except for every Canadian business.
  • Singer Celine Dion was declared a "national treasure". She has been removed from her Las Vegas home and encased in bronze so that future generations can gaze upon her unchanging appearance without every having to listen to her sing.
  • The tiny province of Prince Edward Island is represented by 4 elected Members of Parliament even though the population would normally entitle the province to only 1 member. In a bizarre twist, however, the same person, Dan MacLean, was elected in all four ridings.
  • The Bloq Quebecois was reduced to only 4 seats. The once powerful separatist party must now decide to take on the arduous task of rebuilding or decide to become another edition of the immensely popular Cirque du Soleil.
  • Pamela Anderson was elected in her Vancouver Island riding and will be given the twin positions of Minister of Transportation and Secretary of State for Lifeguards.
  • The Liberals suffered their worst defeat ever. Leader Michael Ignatieff was immediately dragged before the Liberal dominated Senate where his eyebrows were shaved in a ritualistic shaming ceremony.
  • By a narrow margin, Saskatchewan voters decided to change the province's slogan from "Land of the Living Skies" to "Eat Our Dust".
  • The Green Party elected it's first member of parliament. In fact, Leader Elizabeth May is the first Green member elected in all of North America. She represents the beautiful riding of Saanich - Gulf Islands, is left handed, speaks two languages and her favorite food is pancakes. She enjoys long walks on the beach, a sense of humor and rainy Sunday mornings reading and cuddling in bed. Her turn off's include expensive cars and insincere people.


sensible discussion said...

It seems like the N.D.P. was able to do what no other party could and that was to crush the bloc Quebecois. Congratulations to those in Quebec who sent the separatists packing. The N.D.P. can do far more for the province than the Bloc could ever do but we shall see.

Trooper Thorn said...

Sensible: It's fun to see how many "placeholder" NDP winners now have to actually show up in Ottawa.