Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Any More Money Microsoft?

On the heels of today's announcement that Microsoft is buying Skype for $8.5 billion (with a "B"), Dogs and Jeans is re-launching it's Application Development Division. Over the past three years, we have dabbled unsuccessfully in the lucrative world of iPhone apps and lawsuits. Unfortunately those efforts have always stalled due to a lack of either capital funding or legal training.

As well, returning to the collection of Million Dollar Ideas from two years ago is likely a dead end. The only possibility on the list is "Movie Star" but now that I'm even older, the audition offers won't roll in until I'm old enough to play "Crotchety But Endearing Neighbor" on an NBC sitcom.

Which leaves only the resurrection of several cutting edge technology ideas from several years ago. Just as James Cameron was unable to film "Avatar" before the recent advances in computer animation, the realization of the following applications was not possible until 2011. And even so, we will be pushing the boundaries of The Possible to get them to the marketplace. So, get ready to open your chequebook Microsoft, because here comes:

Splooge: Are you too busy at work, often doing more than two things at once? Splooge can reduce the chaos by allowing you to open and work in more than one Windows application at once. Word and Excel? No problem? MSAccess and PowerPoint? Easy. NetMeeting and surfing for porn in your underpants? Only where prohibited by law and your company's open cubicle policies.

Glimnik: Are you tired of avoiding telemarketers? The problem with most 1-800 blocking systems is they confirm that your phone number is valid, so the companies just keep calling in hopes of finally getting someone who will answer. The Glimnik tool will recognize an incoming 1-800 number and randomly re-rout it to a completely different telephone number. After several different attempts all result in connections to several unrelated households, your number will be removed from the software. Good for avoiding in-laws too.

Phlormp: Is being overweight, out of shape and ashamed of your appearance keeping you from jumping on the Facebook bandwagon? The just let Phlomrp at your profile pictures. A simple "enhancement" application will trim the fat from your face and pounds from your paunch so you can proudly post that profile pic!

Creedonk: If you Twitter, and are tired of reading pointless tweets so mundane, not even the Twit's mother (is she a Twatter?) would care? Launch Creedonk and let the catalogue of criticisms such as "Who Cares?", "Get a Life!" and "Close the bathroom door Jerk!" train the Twits to tweet with something worth reading.