Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Al Qaeda to Seek New Leader?

In the wake of the execution of Osama bin Laden, the terrorist group Al Qaeda is moving swiftly to find a new leader. “If you cut off the head of the snake,” said an unnamed Al Qaeda spokesman, “the snake must regrow a new head quickly. Otherwise, it lies on the ground flopping around until it finally succumbs from blood loss.” He paused briefly before continuing. “Okay, it’s not one of our more effective analogies, but you get the picture. We need a new guy now.”

Without putting a definitive timeline on the plans to replace bin Laden, Al Qaeda has shared their short list of desirable candidates with Dogs and Jeans.

• Donald Trump

• Kim Jong Il

• Former Canadian Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff

• Simon Cowell

• Kate Gosselin (because she can produce her own recruits)

• Mr. Burns

Michael Bay (but only for all the explosions)

Jesse James (but only if he brings his Nazi uniform)

• The Situation

• Bruce Willis (also for the explosions)

Leona Helmsley (but only if their research into re-animating dead tissue are successful)


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