Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Whitehouse Needs Money

The US government faces the prospect of a complete shut-down of services unless the budget can be ratified by Friday. Since it is unlikely the two divided Houses can reach a compromise in that time, the Whitehouse is scrambling to find funds to keep the country running, at least temporarily. Here are the top ten ideas suggested for raising money:
  1. Capitalize on the success of the Miley Cyrus celebrity look-alike sex dolls by offering US Senate models featuring Kirsten Gilibrand and Kay Hagan.
  2. Triple all income taxes for the next two days.
  3. There seems to be a ton of money in country music. Maybe the government could do something there?
  4. No more bathing in tubs filled with tax payers' dollar bills.
  5. Launch a reality TV show on FOX called "The Big House". It will be like CNN meets "Jersey Shore" meets "Lost". Then sit back and watch the advertising money roll in.
  6. There were plans to have someone go on "Dancing With the Stars" but the best dancer in Washington was Ted Kennedy. So that idea is no good...
  7. Three words: Congressional Car Wash. (Please Note: In no way does this picture represent what a car wash would look like if hosted by our elected officials)
  8. Have a bunch of kids like Kate Gosselin but dont' raise them; sell them all on the black market.
  9. Apparently you can make a shitload of coin with no-money down real estate. Every Senator should order those tapes from that guy on TV.
  10. One more word: Coupons!

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