Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Rapper, Royals Riot

News of the Near Future: April 30, 2011.

"Kanye West Disrupts Royal Wedding. America Braces For War"

London - Across the British Empire today, millions of citizens loyal to the Crown are outraged by the actions of Kanye West during yesterday's televised wedding ceremony of Prince William and Kate Middleton. The event billed as the “Wedding of the Century” was supposed to be the epitome of grace and regal splendour. The wedding of the man second in line to the crown to his college sweetheart was intended to recall the innocence of his late mother Princess Dianna. Royal watchers also hoped the nuptials would bring to a close a sad period in British history.

Instead the dignity of the event rapidly descended into chaos when popular rap singer Kanye West jumped from the rear of Elton John’s Friends box and ran up the aisle. The controversial singer appeared to have planned the interruption as he carried his own wireless amplification unit. West’s microphone had been patched into the Westminster Abbey speaker system. As the Archbishop of Canterbury began asking the Prince if he would take Ms. Middleton, West rushed up the steps to the alter and said:

‘Yo Archbishop, Imma gonna let you finish, but the Grace Kelly/Prince Rainier wedding was the best Royal Wedding of all time!”

While the numerous decorated royal military personnel seemed too stunned by the interruption to act, the first person to come the royal couple’s defense was English actor Daniel Craig. Craig, the current James Bond, leapt from several rows back to tackle West at the knees. The rapper went down hard but not before shouting “The Queen hates Welsh people!”

As if upon queue, the entire congregation broke out into a riot as undercover SAS officers hastily ushered William and Kate out through the nave and into a waiting limousine. Through the melee such odd partisan combatant pairings such as Lil’ Wayne vs Rick Astley and Tobey Keith vs Boy George.

The wedding ceremony not yet complete, neither wanted to head out on their honeymoon. However, singer Taylor Swift has offered her support to Kate Middleton in the form of a sentimental sonnet set to a light country melody with cross-over pop appeal.


Pat Tillett said...

Oh crap, that was so funny!
"America braces for war!"

You are a funny guy and I'm gonna tag along! Thanks for signing on at my blog...

Trooper Thorn said...

Pat: Thanks. And the preditionw as nearly fulfilled if not for the quick action of some Scottish Highlanders.

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