Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Radiation Is Not Kid's Stuff

Hot off their successful role in helping BP curtail the flow of crude oil the floor of the Gulf of Mexico , the great American board games maker Ideal Toys has offered its expertise to Japan's damaged nuclear reactor. With the imaginations of Japanese scientists near the breaking point, they are grateful for the innovation that some of the simple 1960's board game technology can provide.

Some of the proposals include giant versions of:

Mousetrap:
The strength of this proposal is the bowling ball falling through the bathtub setting off the diver with the back flip. The semi-porous trap basket will need to be replaced with a lead-lined cover which will drop down over the damaged core. Due to the earthquake, there is a local abundance of "rickety flights of stairs. However, experts are divided over the accuracy of the boot kicking the ball bearing down them.


 

Kerplunk:
While this proposal bears some resemblance to the failed "giant containment unit" used in Chernobyl, scientist are hopeful that the cascade of marbles brought on when the "linchpin" stick is removed will be sufficient to stop any radiation. A secondary unit may be employed to retrieve dislodged marbles from the little tray at the bottom and return them to the top of the Kerplunk feeder unit after decontamination of course..




Hands Down:
Considered the long shot of the Ideal Games Strategy, Hands Down may provide a stop gap measure if engineers can coordinate the correct sequence of slapping down the paddles over top of the fuel rods. Speculation that the air currents from the "hands" may also provide a degree of back-up cooling has yet to be demonstrated outside the laboratory.



Waiting in the wings for their shot is game company Milton Bradley with their fire-hardened ceramic version of Hungry Hungry Hippos.