Wednesday, April 13, 2011
In a statement from the TSA, the agency said it is reviewing its screening policies for "low-risk populations, such as young passengers." The statement says the agency is exploring ways to "move beyond a one-size fits all system." Options include pat-downs, x-rays and interviews for children between the ages of 5 and 12, all the way to holding toddlers upside-down by their ankles and shaking to see what falls out of their Osh-Kosh coveralls. For hygienic reasons, sniffer dogs will be used to probe the contents of diapers of suspected high-risk "shifty-looking" infants.
As confirmation of the new procedures, parents of a 6 year old girl have posted a video of their daughter being groped by staff at the New Orleans airport. "Don't be fooled by her tears," commented an agency spokeswoman. "Al Qaeda has trained their operatives to be sympathetic like that. If I had a dime for every elderly white terrorist I made cry at an airport when I threw away pictures of their alleged 'grandchildren' because the corners were sharp enough to poke out the eye of of an air hostess and take down the whole plane, I'd have enough money to retire to the Bahamas."
Note: this is not the first time Dogs and Jeans has had suggestions for the TSA.