Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Alaska Spends on Aliens and Citrus?

The recent surge in gas prices has resulted in a financial windfall for Alaska. While the other 49 states are struggling with deficits and debt repayment, America's northernmost state is in an enviable position: a budget surplus. However, in a "use it or lose it" funding model, Alaskan legislators are scrambling to add spending measures to the budget for fear that the federal government could demand any excess funds. Some of these "necessary expenditures" are questionable, if not outright wasteful:
  • Compete with Siberia by beginning construction of an Alien Welcome Centre complete with decompression chambers, "space fuel" ports and a replica of the Star Wars cantina.
  • Ammunition used in the "Sara Palin Invitational Wolf Shoot" will be packed with gold flakes and diamonds.
  • Build a 100,000 acre greenhouse in Denali Park. Plant tangerine trees. Rename Alaska "The Tangerine State". Plus no more scurvy!
  • Street lights in Nome are being replaced with banks of stadium lights to reduce the Seasonally Affected Disorder brought on by reduced hours of sunlight during winter months.
  • Kara DioGuardi is an attractive, 40 year old woman of marginal accomplishment who could use a break... Lets spend a few million to make her governor.
  • A last ditch appeal using a very expensive, multimedia presentation might convince the Royal Couple to honeymoon in the world famous Aleutian Islands.
  • Fur sinks for everyone!


Melissa said...

These can't possibly be real right? LOL

Trooper Thorn said...

Melissa: What is it they say about truth being stranger than fiction? But then again, characters on "All My Children" have more incidents of amnesia, kidnapping and evil twins than average families.

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