Thursday, March 24, 2011

Liz Taylor to Delay Canadian Election?

News from Canada:
Political maneuvers are underway in Ottawa to topple the minority Conservative government and force a federal election later this spring. Prime Minister Stephen Harper has been unable to convince the opposition parties to support the 2011 budget. In the parliamentary system, such a vote of non-confidence requires the dissolution of the government and will send Canadians to the polls within six weeks.

However, this activity is far from the level of unrest and popular uprisings seen recently in Egypt, Libya and Yemen. In fact, it is expected that this election will continue the trend of low voter turnout that has plagued the Canadian system for at least two generations. Dogs and Jeans Crack Political Consultants have conducted a phone survey to identify the reasons why voters will be staying away from the polls this year:
  • "I can't decide to vote for Flabby Guy, Scary Guy, Arrogant Guy or Crazy Guy."
  • "I can't follow the Stanley Cup playoffs and election coverage too."
  • "I'm boycotting Elections Canada until they let you vote multiple times like they do in Zimbabwe."
  • "I haven't been able to cast a vote since the whole "Canadian Idol" debacle."
  • "There are even fewer female candidates than on The Bachelor."
  • "No time. Too busy working on my screenplay about three roommate supermodels and a wisecracking robot."
  • "I'm not risking casting a ballot if the voting booth is not a peanut-free zone."
  • "I didn't know [insert name of your province or territory here] was still part of Canada."
  • "Aren't only federal prisoners allowed to vote now?"
  • "Not enough parties to choose from any more."
  • "I'll only vote if it's an app on my iPad."
  • "If I vote, then I'll have to register my guns."
  • "An election this soon after Elizabeth Taylor's death? Have you no compassion?"