Thursday, March 31, 2011

Crisis in Canada*

International observers are concerned that Canada will descend into anarchy if events this week are any indication of things to come. In a shocking move, a consortium of broadcasters has refused to allow Green Party leader Elizabeth May to take part in two televised leaders debates later in April. Even though the Green Party runs a distant 5th in popular support and has never elected anyone to parliament, many feel this is the "thin edge of the wedge" that could lead to a complete ban of all opposition parties.

"We've seen one party rule in Iraq, Egypt, Libya and Arizona," said an unnamed Green Party member. "Is this what the world wants for the largest country on North America? Think about it. Peacekeepers from Holland and the Ukraine roaming our streets? Is that what you want?!"

While the UN has not taken an official position on Canada's potential oppressive restrictions on political freedom, rumors abound of a secret NATO plan to occupy Quebec, Alberta and the Northwest Territories in an effort to protect civilians that might get caught in the crossfire between government forces and rebel lumberjacks and lacrosse players.

The tension on Canadian streets is palpable. "Elizabeth who?' asked Doug Chapeau from Winnipeg. "I'll think about the election after the curling is done for the winter." He then nervously slipped into a nearby Tim Horton's where he sipped coffee and laughed with friends for 45 minutes. Clearly, these are a people living under severe tension.

*While Canadians struggle on in the absence of a government, each Thursday Dogs and Jeans will present a weekly update on election issues.

7 comments:

Nari said...

Those Canadians are clearly on the verge of utter chaos. We better secure the northern borders immediately!

Missy said...

LMAO!!! We better "Gun Up!"

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

I don't know why but when we were in Canada I always laughed when I saw the fast food place, Tim Horton. Tim is quite a twee name in England - 'Tim, nice but dim' .

Anyway, I digress. Thanks for popping by my blog.

Kage said...

how is it that you know more about canadian politics than i do?

and tim is NOT a twee name, he is a national hero!!!!

though for what, i've no idea.

Trooper Thorn said...

Nari: Good idea. You don't want that kind of unrest in the Dakotas.

Missy: Don't forget the camo gear.

Trish: We just call it 'Timmy's'. As in "See you at Timmy's after hockey practice?"

Kage: Oh, I have stories about Robert Stanfield and Manitoba's Duff Roblin that would make your hair curl.

Captain Dumbass said...

Would Peace Keeping troops in Vancouver help with traffic? I'd be ok with that.

Trooper Thorn said...

Cap'n D: Yes, but they woul be from Hong Kong, so that won't make it any better.