Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
- Which divorce attorneys will be more aggressive if you have sex with them.
- The true identity of the "Gossip Girl".
- How to find a rent controlled apartment on the Lower East Side.
- The location of Manolo Blahnik outlet store in New Jersey.
- Photo evidence that Paris Hilton eats actual food.
- The correct bribe amount to get your kids accepted at Dalton Prep school.
- Where to ensure you are photographed eating with Derek Jeter.
- How to bump someone else's wedding at The Plaza for your own.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Or for the tepid responses to the last two weeks of Friday Demotivation, each featuring a soccer theme.
So, today we return to the random jackassery of Friday Demotivational Posters that people seem to love so much.
Have a great weekend.
P.S. Go Ghana!!!!!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
- You get in a fist fight with a coworker over who has the sexiest fans: Mexico or Brazil
- You find yourself correcting people who say a "zero-zero tie" instead of a "scoreless draw"
- You can distinguish between Uruguay and Paraguay on a map
- You even know that Uruguay and Paraguay are in South America.
- You wear face paint, even on non-game days.
- You obsess about how a second yellow card to Jozy Altidore during Saturday's match with Ghana might affect the strategy.
- You wake yourself in the night shouting "GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- You own a vuvuzela
- You can only "get it on" when your wife wears the soccer bra.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
- Jam soccer balls in the broken well to stop the BP oil leak in the Gulf.
- Restore Tiger Woods ability to win tournaments and stay faithful to his wife
- Rid Lindsey Lohan of the desire for alcohol and drugs so she can make "Mean Girls 2: Sorority Slumber Party"
- Seek the Republican nomination in 2012 so we don't have to suffer through Sarah Palin's campaign
- Eliminate fat from all of our tastiest foods while still retaining the flavor
- Implement a playoff system for college football.
- Reduce the popularity of all the Kardashians to focus on just one. We only need one Kardashian for crying out loud!
- Three words: Find Bin Laden
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
- Decreased video surveillance at Los Angeles playgrounds
- The Jackson estate actually turned a healthy profit
- Jackson is now remembered as the star of "The Wiz" and not "Captain Eo"
- The chimp and giraffe on Sunset Boulevard holding the cardboard sign stating "Will moon walk for food"
- Michael Jackson impersonators at are busier than ever
- A surplus of idle child molestation attorneys in California
- People actually went to see 'This Is It"
- We have been reminded that he was married to Lisa Marie Presley. I mean, doesn't that seem so bizarre now?
- It's the first time in a decade anyone mentioned Tito or Jermaine in the same breath.
Monday, June 21, 2010
- 10% of liberal readers feel the blog is too critical of the Obama administration's handling of BP Oil Disaster.
- 15% of conservative readers believe Sarah Palin's recently enlarged breasts are proof that Jesus still works miracles in our everyday life.
- 28% of male readers print Dogs & Jeans posts to read on the john and a recent increase in paper prices have curtailed their literature.
- 1 in 5 dentists recommend marzipan rather than Crest toothpaste for fighting cavities.
- 11% of female readers feel the use of suggestive pictures of scantily clad women on blog posts is a gratuitous ploy to increase readership.
- The other 89% of female readers fell the scantily clad women featured on blog posts are "skinny bitches" but would support them on an upcoming edition of 'The Bachelor'.
- 21% of readers who are soccer fans have suffered brain damage due to hours of vuvuzela playing.
However the biggest reason for the drop in visitors appears to be that it's summertime and most people have better things to do that sit inside reading blogs!
Go outside, for crying out loud. It is going to be rainy November soon enough.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
- World Cup Soccer: The big match to see today is France vs. Mexico.
- The US Open Golf Day 1: The story lines are, "Can Tiger tame Pebble Beach like days of old?" and "Can Phil win his missing Slam?"
- NBA Finals: Celtics vs Lakers. Game 7. 'Nuff said.
- MLB: Interleague play continues with a key match-up between the Yankees and Phillies.
- College Football: Utahs' response to the PAC-10 invitation.
If you are not a sports fan, then I'm afraid you are SOL because Trooper is. He won't be posting any jackassery today.Update: Mexico 2-0 over France. Goodbye France
Come back tomorrow for Demotivational Friday.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
- The New Golden Girls
- The Soccerfemmes
- Dutch Treat; and my personal favorite
- The Vuvuzelas
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
- Discussions on news magazines about whether or not Sarah Palin had a boob job.
- Any musical performances on 'Glee'.
- A Kardashian clamouring for more attention than her sister.
- Lamar Odom clamouring for more attention than his Kardashian wife.
- The savage criticism in the British press for goal keeper Robert Green's mistake.
- The idiot guys on 'The Bachelorette' trying to out-macho each other.
- A crying baby being struck by a howling bags of cats, that is being swung by a singing Celine Dion, who is being encouraged by Garth Brooks.
- The Tea Party.
- Joe Jackson blaming his wife for Michael's death.
- Excuses from BP oil executives.