How To Look Manly

It is pretty hard in the modern, western world to look manly. Society has created too many situations where shouting, brawling or riding in on horseback are frowned upon. However, there are some specific activities which should be avoided if one wants to appear somewhat masculine. (Note: this is not a gay/straight thing. There are plenty of gay men who are as manly as John Wayne at a testosterone donation clinic (Note further: I have no idea what a "testosterone donation clinic" is. I just couldn't think of a superlative manly situation in the previous sentence). Anyway, this posting is not intended to offend anyone based on sexual orientation.) So take off your crinolines guys and be aware that any of the following will make you appear to be less manly:

• Claiming you only like Katy Perry for her music.
• Sipping from a juice box.
• Texting. Yes, texting.
• Checking your appearance in any car mirror.
• Wearing a towel on your head (unless you are in between rounds of a major prize fight).
• Crying during any of Oprah's farewell shows.
• Eating a pomegranate.
• Singing along with Justin Beiber.
• Pulling laundry out of the drying and rolling around in it pretending to be a kitten. C'mon, we all want to do it, but you need to resist the temptation.