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The political world was shocked over the weekend to learn that Henry Kissinger is still alive! In an Op-Ed piece in Sunday's Washington Post, the former Secretary of State offered an apology for a remark he made 37 years ago regarding America's stance on the gassing of Soviet Jews.

While some historian's are dismissing Kissinger's position that the comments were "taken out of context", most are more surprised that the controversial top adviser the Richard Nixon still walked among us.

"I thought he passed away about 8 or 9 hears ago," said Greggory Pendergas, Chair of Political Science at Yale. "Are you sure it wasn't a reprinted article over the Christmas break?"

"Seriously?" asked noted Harvard Modern Historian Dr. Dorothy Smoot. "What is he, like 130?"

Ernest Borgnine, the oldest living male Oscar winner at 93, could not be reached for commeny. Brett Favre, ohe NFL's oldest quarterback declined to answer questions directly, but did send a lovely cellphone camera picture of his penis.