Sarah Palin's new book "America By Heart" was released today. Despite the banal title, the book lays out how Palin would turn things around in this country if she were to run for president. The only thing more surprising than her continued reluctance to actually declare her intentions are some of the less well-thought-through strategies to "turn America around." You'd almost think they had been written by a political satirist:- Ban the Toronto Blue Jays from the American League. They are in Canada; that's not America Consider replacing the team with the Tea Party.
- Develop time machine so she can go back and ask Ronald Reagan what he would do about issues like banking reform, low income housing and nosy TMZ photographers.
- New universal health care plan: An Apple A Day. (Note: Apple Computers not to be taken internally)
- Double the military budget, but only to hunt down gays and commies within the ranks.
- Eliminate the trend towards so-called "measurable science" in America's classrooms. The Bible mentions nothing about dinosaurs so all those bones must be miracle rocks given to us by God for our amusement.
- Replace dancing as America's Pastime, but only if Bristol wins Dancing With the Stars tonight. If she loses, dancing will be banned faster than you can say "Footloose".
- Counter President Obama's world "apology tour" with her own tour "In Your Face Globe!" sponsored by Marlborough Cigarettes.
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