But Can He Escape Your Death Machine?

In light of the WikiLeaks latest document dump in which the US State department directs diplomats to begin collecting Human Intelligence and biometric information on foreign nationals, we should all better protect ourselves. Here are some easy to identify signs your friendly neighborhood US Ambassador is really a spy:

• Underneath his wetsuit is a freshly pressed Armani tuxedo.

• Keeps trying to sleep with your wife to gain access to your garage door opener codes.


• Always asking you to speak into his lapel pin.


• His constant flattery of “You’re a beautiful woman, Pussy” is getting tired, especially since your name is Irene.


• When asking for a drink is his request always “Shaken, not stirred,” even if it’s tea or Kool-Aid.


• Refers to your basement rec-room as your “underground lair”.


• When heating up anything in the microwave, he always “diffuses” the countdown with one second left.


• The local Kids Christmas Tobogganing Night ends with him parachuting off a cliff.