Friday, October 29, 2010

Halloween Demotivation

Have a Spooktacular Halloween everyone!!

 And Go Oregon Ducks!!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Body Paint Rules

With Halloween only three days away, many of you may be panicking to find a costume. In times of need women often turn to body paint for their last minute costume. But not so fast with the air brush! There are some important Do's & Don't to follow to keep your body paint costume from becoming a booty pout catastrophe:

Comic Book Costumes
Superheros and Super villains make great costumes. Picking something with a mask also adds to the mystery and we all know mystery is sexy.

Try not to pick a character that is too obscure like Poison Ivy because most people will just think you're a chick with green boobs in a bad red wig.

Movie Costumes
Characters from films can be alot of fun especially if you pick something recent like Avatar or a classic like Star Wars.
Freddy Kruger, however, is just scary, now matter how good your breasts look in sweater paint.
Fantasy Characters
Butterflies, bees, angels and other fantasy characters are great. They are whimsical and very feminine.

Putting all the fantasy characters together into one costume is not sexy. It looks like somebody threw up on you.

Don't go too far with the cat imitations; remember you are still a human female. These cats are sexy:

These cats are not.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Brett Favre's Open Fly

Dogs & Jeans has stayed away from the Brett Favre Sexting story over the past few weeks not only because it was mostly unsubstantiated rumor, but because it really wasn't very interesting. What's the big deal about a pro athlete's off the field indiscretions in this day and age?

However, we felt the treatment Favre received on this weekend's Saturday Night Live was funny enough to share. Click on the link.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Back To The Future Again

Today marks the 25th Anniversary of the first screening of "Back To The Future". This was a landmark movie for many of us in the 80's and it spun off two very successful sequels. However, the franchise had hoped to make at least one more cash grab but was never successful. Dogs & Jeans has acquired the list of the rejected "Back To The Future" sequel titles:
  • Back To The Jersey Shores
  • Doc Brown and the Finicky Prostate
  • Back To The Future IV: The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
  • Let's Bust Randy Quaid From Jail!
  • Back To When Mariah Carey Was Sexy
  • Hot Tub Time Machine (Come on! Who could take that seriously?)
  • Back To Bet On Every Superbowl
  • Operation Lewinski: Let's Stop The President!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Tiger's Mistress Tells All

In her new book, former Tiger Woods' mistress Loreda Jolie reveals plenty of details about the golfer's sexual proclivities. While none of us are too shocked to read about his insatiable desires and unusual fantasies, there are some revelations she makes that give us a greater insight into the man:
  • Tiger is completely tone deaf and unable to carry even a simple  tune such as "Happy Birthday"
  • Has never recovered from being a childhood bed-wetter
  • Tiger is lactose-intolerant
  • Still doesn't believe the Village People were gay
  • Tiger cannot distinguish Coke from Pepsi
  • Has a severe allergic to cats
  • Tiger is a secret vegetarian but will still eat processed sandwich meat
  • Despite the boundaries of good taste currently being pushed on Glee, Tiger does not find the show sexy
  • Tiger supports Ravenclaw over Gryffindor at Hogwarts
  • Lost over $6 million betting on Dancing With The Stars
  • Thinks Glenn Beck may be onto something

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Early Demotivation

 The Dogs & Jeans offices will be closed tomorrow. The good news for you bloggy readers get to enjoy Demotivational Posters for a whole extra day!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Ungrateful Dogs

Last night when I got home, my faithful lab was there to greet me with joyous tall wagging and slobbery kisses. I like to think it’s because he is happy to see me, but likely it’s because he knows dinner is coming. This day I arrived with a bag of pigs’ ears and after putting the bag in the cupboard I took him out in the back yard. He had to sit before I gave him a treat.

Once it was in his mouth, his attitude completely changed. He took off immediately, slinking behind the grape trellis to eat in secrecy. He has always done this but I was stuck by the motivation. Does he think I’m going to change my mind and take the pig’s ear back and consume it myself? He knows there was a whole bag of them so he’s not really “pulling one over” on me by running away with it. I could just go to the cupboard and help myself.

For that matter, I could have just sat in the parking lot outside the pet store and eaten the whole bag. I was under no obligation to bring him anything. In fact, as the human in the relationship and the only one of us with a job, I can go and buy pig’s ears any damn time I want!

So let’s see some genuine gratitude and quit treating me like I’ve got rabies the second I decide to give you a treat, you rotten dog.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Goodbye Mr. C.

Tom Bosley, Ritchie's dad from "Happy Days" passed away today at the age of 83. He will be missed.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Signs You Are Going to Lose the Election

Early voting is underway in America! If you are running for re-election this fall, here are some handy hints to tell if you might be in line for some serious voter back-lash and will need to find other employment. In other words “You are about to lose!!”
  • Dancing With The Stars won't return your phone calls.
  • New “business suit” arrives from the tailor: paper hat and apron. 
  • Solid gold congressional toilet replaced by porta-potty. 
  • The "Queer Eye" guys arrive to redecorate your office. 
  • Senate parking spot taken over by a Sunglasses Hut. 
  • Limo driver arrives behind the wheel of an Kia. 
  • Frequent flyer miles now only redeemable at Little Caesar Pizza . 
  • The US Post unveils your own stamp as part of the "Disgraced Public Servants" series. 
  • Screen saver replaced with scrolling "YOU'RE FIRED" message. 
  • Pay envelope contains white powdery substance. 
  • Two words: Ticking briefcase. 
  • D.C hookers won't give you a second look.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Friday Demotivation

The staff at Dogs & Jeans are too preoccupied with investigating claims that the Chilean Mine Disaster was a hoax to put much effort into the weekly Friday Demotivation. We hope you enjoy this half-assed jack-assery.