Thursday, January 14, 2010

Leno/Conan Cage Match!

The Battle of the Late Night Hosts continues to heat up with every press release. Leno wants his old time slot back and Conan won’t shift later. Never has a conflict between two television personalities been so heated and volatile (and meaningless) since the great Krystal Carrington/Alexis Carrington Lily Pond Cat Fight in 1983. Before the war escalates too far and the lives of sponsors become at risk, Dogs & Jeans would like to suggest some non-violent contests between the two hosts to settle the winner:
  • Each host replaces the Field Goal Holder on one of the remaining NFL teams. Whichever team makes it the farthest in the playoffs with a talk show host “in tact” determines who keeps their show (once they recover from their injuries).

  • Each host must replace Vince Offer as the Slap Chop Pitch Guy. Whoever sells the most Slap Chops in a 24 hour period gets their pick of program slots.

  • Each host records an album and the highest CD sales by the end of March determines the winner. The song selection must be an equal mix of Motown hits and Dixieland jazz.

  • Each host must participate in an underground cross-country car race from Connecticut to California using all manner of modified vehicles, ribald comedy and slapstick humour to win against a cast of off-beat characters. No, wait. That’s the plot of Cannonball Run.

In all seriousness (we can be serious at Dogs & Jeans), each host should challenge each other to raise more money for the victims of Tuesday’s earthquake in Haiti. The winner not only receives their desired time slot, but both will really be doing something meaningful.

8 comments:

Cocotte said...

Does anyone really watch those talk shows anymore? Thank God, with cable, we have better choices now. Those shows remind me of something my Grandma would watch (she loved her Johnny Carson).

ZenMom said...

Thunderdome.

Two hosts enter. One host leaves.

Coffeypot said...

I love Leno and do not see the childish humor of Conan, but I do feel for the people who move from NY to CA to keep their jobs. That is why I think is sux.

Jaina said...

I agree with that last one, sounds like the best option to me.

Christiejolu said...

LOL! Great ides!

Personally I think Leno is wrong, and Conan is way cooler. Leno should just call it quits.

tammy said...

I think we should leave it to you to solve all the world's problems.

J in the D said...

In a cost saving move NBC should just go back and air Tonight Show episodes from when Johnny and Ed were doing them. Nobody has seen any of them in over 20 years.

Trooper Thorn said...

Cocette: All the best clips are on-line anyway.

ZenMom: Only if Tina Turner sings.

Coffeypot: It's almost like Leno is in a union with job protection or something.

Jaina: Once again you show what a kind person you are.

Christiejolu: Looks like he's going to get his way.

tammy: Thanks. Any neighbor conflicts you want me to resolve?

J in the D: Better yet, they can re-braodcast the episode when Steve Allen was the host.