Despite recent efforts to make Heath Care Reform more appealing, President Obama still must explain and clarify his bill to Republicans and Democrats alone. To aid in this effort of national importance, Dogs & Jeans has compiled this FAQ for Washington politicians.
Q: Will my doctor be abducted by the government insurance provider and replaced by a different medical practitioner?
A: At this time, there are no abductions planned. You can keep your current health care provider, however, you can choose to be seen by a wise-cracking animal in a lab coat.
Q: Will kisses make it better?
Q: I heard that in the Canadian system, the old and sick are left out on the ice to die. Will that happen here?
A: Anyone who has had in-laws visit will think this is a good idea. However, such treatment will be limited only to Wisconsin. The rest of the states will have to put up their families.
Q: I'm overweight and I smoke. Will I still be covered?
A: Sigh... unfortunately yes. Any chance we could get you to walk around the block or something?
Q: I miss when doctors made house calls. Is that going to come back?
A: How old are you Senator? If you really want, Pauly Shore can come visit. I don't think he's busy.
Q: If I broke my leg in two places, what should I do?
A: Never go to those two places again. Ba-dum-cha! Thank you very much. I'll be here all week!